It’s time to wake up sheeple, and a hot cup of coffee is not going to cut it this time.
Have you ever wondered why, time and time again your ‘coffee guy’ misspells your name?
“It’s Mark,” you bleat, as he deftly scrawls ‘Mork’ across your umpteenth disposable cup of the week.
It's early, you think.
That coffee machine must be loud, you reason.
But everyday it eats away at you that the man who remembers to ask how your grandmother's 76th birthday party went just can't seem to grasp the spelling of your one-syllable name.
Listen: Holy Wainwright and Andrew Daddo discuss the issues with giving your child an out-there name, like Dream, on our podcast for imperfect parents. Post continues after audio.
And then you realise. HE'S DOING IT ON PURPOSE.
Now. Most people confronted with an hilarious misspelling of their name do one of two things:
a) They tell their friends and workmates about it, or
b) They upload a photo of the error to their social media account.
BOTH options involving spreading the name - and the notoriety - of the cafe from whence your caffeinated beverage came, did you ever think of that? Of course not, you probably hadn't finished your morning coffee yet.
But here's the thing. Have you ever wondered why Starbucks is able to operate in 23,768 locations worldwide?
Spelling. Unconscionably bad spelling.
Melissa becomes Mahyssa:
Helen becomes Jody:
The more bizarre the misspelling, the more likely you are to upload it online, until suddenly even your caffeine-free colleague are subconsciously craving five cups a day.
And then BOOM. Before you know it there's a bloody Starbucks on ever corner from here to Wollongong.
It's no coincidence, as this incredibly paranoid video will tell you:
Percolate over THAT for a while, friends.