On the night before I go back to work, I am filled with dread.
I’ve been here before. I should have expected this incredibly heavy heart. I had to do this with your big sister, only she and I didn’t get a full three months together. Nope. The short-term disability and all the money saved from not taking any holidays/sick days while I was pregnant with her ran out after 10 weeks, so it was back to work for me. You and I should feel “lucky” we got a full three months. Isn’t that crazy? That we live in a society where we should feel lucky and acknowledge what a privilege it was that we even got three months? Or that we should feel lucky and acknowledge what a privilege it is that your dad gets three months paid paternity leave? And it is a privilege. It really is.
On this night before I go back to work, while I'm filled with dread and sadness, I can't help but feel a little twinge of excitement. Please don't misunderstand me, my sweet girl; I will think about you every single second I am gone, but I am looking forward to using the parts of my brain that I use in my job as a high school counsellor. I miss the conversations and laughter and community I've worked hard to build with my colleagues and students at work. It means a lot to me that I have them as a support system. I need that support system as I set forth to juggle the life of being a full-time working mother of two.