As Sam Smith so deftly puts it, “Too much of a good thing, won’t be good for long.” At the start of the summer holidays we’re euphoric – Christmas is coming up, days can be spent building sandcastles in the sun and we can take some much-needed time off from work.
Fast forward to mid-January and our caffeine intake has tripled, we’re hanging for a G&T by 11am and the husband has spontaneously booked himself in for a vasectomy.
We love our kids more than life itself but they’re a noisy, messy, energetic bunch with the attention span of a geriatric goldfish. Here are some of the signs you’re itching for the school year to begin.
1. You’re broke.
You’ve spent a squillion dollars on family passes to the movies, water parks, mini golf and trampolining until your pelvic floor prolapses. When you try to partake in free activities, like going to the local park, you end up getting coerced into buying an $8 piece of corn from a hipster Mexican-themed food truck before being dragged into a self serve frozen yoghurt shop where your kids load up on $20 worth of toppings.
The weekly treat has become a daily occurrence and your resolve has depleted along with your bank balance.
"The weekly treat has become a daily occurrence." Image: iStock.
2. You’ve given up on limiting screen time.
You started the holidays with a strict limit on the time your kids could spend in front of the TV, tablet, laptop and gaming device. Before holiday fatigue set in, you played board games, helped them build the Opera House out of paper mache and read 42 chapters of Harry Potter with a child nestled under each armpit.
Now? Now you find yourself loading up a Toy Story marathon straight after breakfast and cursing that Angry Birds episodes are so freakin’ short.
3. You are looking forward to back to school shopping.
After the hell of elbowing your way through shopping centres in the lead-up to Christmas, you vowed to avoid the shops for at least six months. Now you’re looking forward to doing the school shopping because it means it’s nearly time to get back to your daily routine.
Getting the kids fitted for a new pair of school shoes? Yay! Stocking the trolley with stationery, lunch boxes and labels? Whoop whoop!
4. Your car is cesspit.
You’ve spent that much time on road trips to visits friends and relatives that your car now resembles the underbelly of a hoarder’s garage. You’re pretty sure that if the car broke down in a remote area you could live off the food scraps on the backseat for at least a week with only a 70 per cent chance of food poisoning.
You would book the car into a valet service but refer point 1. On the plus side, getting the kids to clean it gives them something to do and teaches them the valuable life lessons you gave up reciting three weeks ago.
"You’ve spent that much time on road trips to visits friends and relatives." Image: iStock.
5. You can no longer see the living room floor.
It’s not just your car that’s borne the brunt of having the kids with you 24/7, your house now looks like Santa’s sleigh had a head-on collision with an office supplies truck.
Half-finished craft projects adorn the kitchen bench, the fridge is covered in abstract artwork and there are at least 43 pieces of Lego and 13 Shopkins on every chair, table, rug and couch.
Play dates and sleepovers multiply the chaos by 100 so when Nanna and Pop offer to take the kids to the zoo, you have to stop yourself from pashing them.
6. You’re fantasising about work.
When December rolled around you sprinted out of the office singing Pharrell’s “Freedom”. You were over the daily grind, incessant deadlines and pointless meetings.
As the school term approaches you find yourself fantasising about getting back to your desk and drinking a hot beverage without constantly having to check whether your unsupervised spawn are bungee-jumping off the balcony/eating your hidden chocolate stash/doing nudie runs up your neighbour’s driveway.
I adore spending time with my kids but after the long summer break, I look forward to getting back to normality.
The kids also can’t wait to tell their school friends about all the things they got up to on holiday, especially the activities that involved them unwittingly risking their lives and contributing to mum and dad’s ever growing collection of grey roots.
I know in two months I’ll be counting down to Easter but for now, ring that bell!
What are the signs telling you that you’re itching for the school year to begin?
This post was written with thanks to our brand partner Spend-less Shoes.
Spend-less shoes is a proudly Australian owned and operated footwear retailer selling the latest fashion looks for less. Committed to providing fashionable, comfortable, durable and affordable shoes to Australians since 1988.