OK, so today I’m really, horrifically, disproportionately upset.
And it’s not… funny.
You see, a certain Australian publication engaged in some
stalking sleuthing and took photos of the winning couple in a hotel hallway. They then presented us with an ‘Exclusive Spoiler’ smack bang in the middle of their homepage, revealing right in the headline who the winner of The Bachelorette is.
The word ‘spoiler’ was in no way intended as a legitimate spoiler warning as Sophie Monk and the winner’s names followed in the headline immediately after. Oh, and the accompanying photos were PAPARAZZI SHOTS OF THE COUPLE. They clearly need reminding this is not the way a spoiler warning is meant to be used.
WHO THE HELL EMPLOYED SOMEONE TO WAIT OUTSIDE SOPHIE MONK’S HOTEL AND TRACK HER MOVEMENTS. WHO THOUGHT IDENTIFYING THE WINNER WOULD BE A ‘FUN’ ACTIVITY IN TABLOID JOURNALISM. WHO DECIDED THAT SPOILING THE ONE TV SHOW ANYONE’S WATCHING ON ACTUAL TELEVISION WAS A NOBLE PURSUIT. THESE SENTENCES HAVE NO QUESTION MARKS BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT QUESTIONS THEY ARE VERY ANGRY STATEMENTS.
Listen to Clare Stephens rant to Laura Brodnik about the people who spoiled The Bachelor earlier this year. (Post continues after audio.)
In a world where Kim Jong-un may or may not detonate a nuclear weapon, where one of our politicians wore a burqa in parliament for no reason, and where (allegedly) someone, somewhere still thinks Crocs constitute appropriate footwear, sometimes we just need to watch an attractive woman be presented with 20+ eligible males in a quest to find love, and invest ourselves fully in the process.
Yes, it’s heteronormative. Yes, 80 per cent of the men could be reasonably mistaken for one another. But it is MY show to ruin, however I see fit. And no one has any right to take that away from me.
Of course, for the last two seasons of The Bachelor (Alex vs. Nikki) and The Bachelorette (Lee vs. Matty), the winner felt like a complete surprise. In the final moments of show, Australia’s collective reaction looked
a little something exactly like this: