The Twins Recap The Bachelorette Episode 4: The worst date in Bachelorette history.

We begin with rain, and it’s becoming increasingly clear that this entire season was shot in winter which, really, is less than ideal.

Richie got to take the women to the beach and go camping, but Georgia? Every time she speaks her breath is visible and she had to wear JEANS on her beach date with Lee, which presents a whole host of problems including a sand-in-jeans-and-shoes situation that no woman deserves.

First there were only 16 bachelors, and now, our Bachelorette is forced to find love during the shittiest season of the year. THIS, my friends, is why we need feminism.

No. Nope. Not why we need feminism. Image via Giphy.

For this episode, Courtney has pulled out his golden date card, which is kind of like the golden ticket in Willy Wonka, except you win a human female instead of a visit to a chocolate factory.

We like Courtney. He's the one who made our ovaries violently explode last week when he told Georgia he worked in childcare for 10 years. And now he makes allergy bracelets. FOR KIDS.

With his special date card, Courtney gets to organise a single date and a group date. The excitement over who he will choose to take with him on the group date has already caused one fully-clothed, grown man to jump in the pool with little to no encouragement.

Clancy, dude...surely you could've just asked.

Now, Courtney has turned the quest to find the group date card into a game of Hide and Seek. He has literally hidden the card under a cushion and told the 'BOIYZ' to go find it. We can only assume this will entertain them for several hours.

"It's been 14 hours now." Image via Channel 10.

Courtney picks Georgia up and it's raining. He offers her his umbrella and jokes that she's "not wet...yet!" and it's way too sexual for 11:30am.

As they drive, the weather continues to get worse. It looks like it's about 18 degrees and windy with a chance of can't be fucked. 

Courtney drives Georgia to the Northern Beaches where he grew up (a quirky guy named Courtney grew up in the Northern Beaches!? Whodda thunkit!) and next thing we know they're in f**king wetsuits.

He tells her they're going scurfing. And this is how we feel about it.


IT'S TOO COLD, COURTNEY. FAR TOO COLD. Here are things we would rather do than go scurfing with Courtney on that day:

  • Watch a sub par movie at the cinema (i.e. Transformers)
  • Go to work
  • Go bowling (this would legit be quite fun)
  • Go to a cafe and have a mediocre coffee
  • Stay indoors and pat an animal of some description
  • Visit a sick relative


But no. Courtney wants to see Georgia out of her comfort zone, and she has no choice. If you look very closely, you can see her subtly trying to escape.

"I did my mascara for this..." Channel 10

In case last night's trapeze activity didn't make it clear enough, dating is all about showing off your tricks. So of course Courtney is quite a good scurfer, which is a very valuable skill given it's an Olympic sport and all.

But Georgia can't scurf. And she makes it clear that she's scared of sharks, which Courtney jokes about. But it's not funny. Sharks are terrifying. The scurfing is terrible and the water looks particularly wet.

Back at the house (which looks way better than the date) the men have finally found the date card. Sam says that he hopes Clancy doesn't get to go on the group date after his ridiculous pool jump "because that's even funnier." Touché, Sam.

Some guy whose name we don't know says "I don't really stand out much" and it's awkward because we've never seen him before in our lives.

WHO AM I? Image via Channel 10.

Clancy gets a place, and Courtney has chosen a bunch of dudes who don't have a chance. Awww.

Back at the scurfing date, they finally get off the stupid boat and have some fish and chips. Georgia's hair is still wet, which is reason number 491 why scurfing is the worst date idea in the history of the world.

Courtney pulls out a treasure chest which was recycled from Lee's date yesterday. Inside are pirate costumes for them to dress up in.

They find it funny for about 13 seconds before they're just two full grown adults in silly hats for no reason.

  So...pirates huh? Image via Channel 10.

Courtney then asks Georgia all about her career - which ends with "Is it something you can switch off?" Georgia reminds him that she (UNNECESSARILY) gave up her job for this so is definitely, 100 per cent committed.

PSA: You do NOT need to quit your job to have a relationship. It's 2016. Women can do all kinds of shit now.

As though we haven't had enough gimmicks for one episode, Courtney has organised to go billy cart racing for the group date. He divides the bachelor's into teams of two, and chooses Georgia (who he has now started to call  'George') for his team. Not because he wants to spend more time with her - it's strictly a strategic decision. She's the smallest. She'll be easily maneuvered in a cart. He makes this quite clear.


He put Jake and Clancy on the same team because they'd bicker, and they do NOT disappoint. They put nails in places there shouldn't be nails, and the wood ends up with redundant holes. LOL, seeing men fail at manhood is gold.

Oh...but Osher is sad. He clearly wants to be on a team. Like, he can present and play you guys.

Err no. We have even numbers. Image via Channel 10.

A ridiculous race ensues, in which it is entirely unclear what is happening. The series of events can be summarised in the following two pictures:

The time Fireman Cam looked like a minion (and knew it):

Image via Channel 10.

And the time Osher BROKE THE TROPHY and was awkward AF about it. 

Dude...this is why we don't let you play. Image via Channel 10.

The blue team wins (??) and you can see Georgia tense up as she realises she has to choose one of these rando's to spend some one-on-one time with. But WAIT. That's not how the game works. Courtney gets to decide who Georgia spends extra time with, which seems a) sexist and b) to defeat the entire purpose of the race.

At this point no one knows what's going on, but, somehow, this faceless man wins. He spends the next 15 minutes asking Georgia one question:

Pls. Image via Channel 10.

Georgia shakes her head and says, "I'm sorry, I just can't place you."

It's now time for the cocktail party, and Jake and Sam are acting weird. Weirder than usual.

Clearly the producers were thinking: "You know what this episode hasn't had enough of? GIMMICKS," so Jake and Sam are planning some sort of surprise and are really, really nervous.

It's odd because at no point has Sam indicated he has any feelings for Georgia. He probably just wants to out-do Rhys, tbh.

Once Matty has finished playing CHARADES with the adult woman (seriously literally all have social problems), Jake and Sam corner her and force her to sit down.

Jake awkwardly speaks over Sam and semi yells at Georgia, "We've got something we've prepared something for you this evening." WHAT. USE YOUR WORDS PROPERLY.

They make her a weird dessert and it melts and it's chocolate and she eats it and they high five.

"Trying to impress this girl is a really good bonding experience with my bros." Image via Channel 10.

Sam has clearly achieved his mission of out-doing Rhys, and Rhys comments: "The Masterchef thing was a weird one. It's just not my scene the gimmicky stuff." Rhys, pls. Just because there wasn't time for a poem.

Anywho, Georgia then has to send someone home, and because it's so obvious, the producers make her include Fireman Cam in the bottom two for SUSPENSE.

For a moment we held our breath. But then we remember that she couldn't give rando Tommy a rose because she doesn't know his name. He goes home, with just one parting message...

"It would be much appreciated." Image via Channel 10.

You can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Facebook, here