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The Twins recap The Bachelorette Episode 11: In which Matty J is a revelation.

Remember Courtney? Yeah, well neither does Georgia.

She now has three men left, all of whom love her adequately and weren't rude AF to her in front of their families.

We open on Georgia handwriting in her notebook which is strange because it's 2016 and people don't write in notebooks. But Georgia has a lot of really complicated emotions about how she is 100 per cent, definitely, without a doubt, sending Jake home tonight.

Nonetheless, the producers have made her hand write a pros and cons list because a) women don't know how to make decisions and b) women don't know how to use computers.

It looks a lil' something like this:

Jake:

Pros:

  • Likes me.
  • Is not Courtney.

Cons:

  • Don't really know him.
"You seem fine, I just can't place you." Channel 10.

Decision: Probs not.

Matty J:

Pros:

  • Is perfect.
  • Loves me.
  • Is Australian rapper.
  • Good at trapeze.

Cons:

  • Sister may tamper with my birth control in a bid to create more babies.
  • Is an uncle to an evil baby who is pressuring me to get pregnant.
"GIVE ME A COUSIN LADY. GIVE IT." Channel 10.
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Decision: Mabes.

Lee:

Pros:

  • Face.
  • Face.
  • Body.
  • Oh yes and also his face.

Cons:

  • When you can't see his face.

Decision: Probs yes.

Speaking of Lee's face, Georgia's going on a date with it.

She picks him up in a helicopter and it's all a little bit elaborate for a mid morning affair. Honestly, the prospect of another day full of activities, having conversations that don't extend beyond Georgia saying "Hi, how are you?" and Lee saying "Thanks, you look great!" and then Georgia saying "You look pretty good yourself, handsome", just makes us f*cking exhausted.

Okay, real talk. We're starting to think that Lee might just be a pretty face.

But BY GOD that's a pretty face.

"Hush now..." Image via Channel 10.

They fly to all the places they've had dates (precisely two places) and reminisce about how much fun they had. Ah. What a ride.

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It's at this point we have a crucial realisation: Lee and Georgia are the type of couple who would celebrate every anniversary. As in like...their four month anniversary. Their 36-week anniversary. Lee would most definitely take them hot air ballooning for their 19 month anniversary, and they'd talk about other times when they talked in other places about talking about other things they had talked about.

Kill. Us. Image via Giphy.

They ride bikes. It's boring. They sit near a tree. It's boring. They sit near a fire. It's boring. Except for Fireman Cam who is lurkin' in the corner always trying to be fire safe. R.I.P.

Basically Georgia just does this the entire time which is very understandable:

Channel 10.
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The producers try and create a bit of tension so we don't fall asleep (#toolate) and it can be summarised as follows: We're from the same place...but what if we weren't?

JESUS CHRIST. WHAT IF ONE OF US WERE A DOG. OR ONE OF US WAS BORN A PLANT 800 YEARS AGO. WHAT IF ONE OF WAS A MICROWAVE. WHAT IF GODDAMNIT?

IS IT OVER YET?

NOW it's time for Jake's date (thank f*ck).

We feel like he is only here by default...and he semi knows it. He was simply the least bad out of a series of guys who refused to show any interest in Georgia and behaved like literal children. We swear they were all high on Fanta the whole time.

We have concerns about Jake. We feel like he might be the kind of guy who wears his sunglasses on the back of his neck. Ones that look like these...

We're sorry it's just how we feel. HBO.

But Jake DOES have swagger. He knows how to say the right thing and he's always touching her near her lady places. Georgia says they have "chemistry" and it's all very nice and we're sure the producers have done the very best they can but Jake is going home okay great.

They go on a boat and pretend to steer it when they're clearly not because WHO would let two people without a boat license steer a super yacht into Sydney harbour.

They then give up on trying to pretend they're doing anything useful and just reenact the Titanic.

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"I'm flying Jake"....ah. Channel 10.

They talk about how they live in different places and how that could be a problem down the line in that they wouldn't be in the same place. It's truly profound. But we know ultimately that's not going to be a problem. Because they will never be together. Because she's sending him home tonight. Our senses tell us...and so did New Idea like a week ago with leaked paparazzo shots from goddamn Singapore.

Anyway, they kiss and their mouths don't meet.

That's his nose, Georgia. Channel 10.
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Later in the night she wears a black dress, and Jake says "my jaw hit the ground. Like literally...", and we're mad because it didn't. And if it did, it would be by far the most interesting thing to happen tonight.

Moving the F*CK ON to Matty J's date...Oooooh Georgia's driving a fancy car because she's a modern woman!

But as soon as she picks Matty J up, he starts driving. Eugh.

At this point, we start to think about the fact that the true test of a relationship is dealing with a minor car accident. Where one of you cries. And the other one has to call their parents because they don't fully understand their insurance/what they're meant to do.

But this is The Bachelorette and instead Matty J and Georgia arrive unharmed at a gin...place.

It's all very thoughtful because Matty J lived in London for a few years so Georgia decided they'd make gin together.

What? Image via Giphy.

They laugh a lot because they're both shit at making gin, and you can see the exact point at which they're like, 'lol, screw the gin making, let's just get drunk."

Georgia! Image via Channel 10.
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Anyway, Georgia's date with Matty J is by far the most entertaining because a) he has words in his vocabulary besides 'amazing,' and b) he's like the hottest person we've ever seen.

For no apparent reason, he and Georgia go swimming together, and it's super sexual.

He whispers sexy things about his "serious side" and is the first man on the show to say he's "falling in love" with her.

GODDAMNIT GEORGIA WE KNOW ABOUT LEE'S FACE BUT MATTY J ALSO HAS A FACE.

We have goosebumps from this whole encounter and we know Georgia does too because she's a heterosexual human female with eyes and a vagina.

We're both completely objective, but if she doesn't choose Matty J we cannot. We can't anymore.

Ah we almost forgot about the rose ceremony because Jake is (awkwardly) still here.

BUT OMG THE BOMBSHELL WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Be calm. Channel 10.
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WE'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH, OSHER. SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. Where has he been? Ah, we know when we see Osher's beautiful, serious face, that all is right in the world.

Anywho - the men all wear bizarre suits that were probably part of one last senseless gimmick. Jake looks like Hugh Hefner which really just puts the nail in his coffin.

There's precisely zero suspense and Jake doesn't receive a rose.

But seriously if Matty doesn't win we are going to throw our dinner and/or laptops at the TV. We cannot have another Nicki situation. Not again. Dear God, not again.
You can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Facebook here.

Listen to the Bach Chat team as they dissect tonight's episode, and interview ex-contestant Rhys:

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