Excuse us, but in case you’ve forgotten, there’s meant to be a
absolutely premature marriage proposal at the end of Bachelor in Paradise and we don’t want to be harsh but, um, between who?
It’s not that none of the relationships seem strong enough but actually – wait, no, none of the relationships seem strong enough.
So, in the spirit of raucous claims and baseless speculation, let’s investigate who it is, shall we?
Sam and Tara
While it's true, Sam and Tara aren't uncute (not a word, but I'm not mentally prepared to call Sam Cans Cochrane 'cute' yet, so 'not uncute' it is), there is, of course, still the lingering memory of cans-gate that isn't going anywhere.
We think he knows this, too, and jumping the gun with a proposal isn't the way to win back the hearts and minds of the public.
Also, there has to be some brains buried in the bush that is the man bun, and the brains would be saying don't propose to someone after four weeks that would be just silly.
Luke and Lisa
Yes, well. Last week it seemed likely. This week it does not.
You see, we don't think we're going out on a limb too much by saying a pre-requisite of being engaged would be following each other on Instagram.
We repeat: Luke and Lisa don't even follow each other on Instagram.
Also, you know, there are the cheating rumours going around and, yeah, we're jumping off this bandwagon.