I’m. Not. Ready.
We did it. We made another human!
Of course, we feel unbelievably blessed and lucky. We wanted to have our babies close together so being pregnant now when our first bub is 10-months-old is pretty damn perfect. And I haven’t gone back to the corporate world (yet), and am not getting any younger, so why the hell not. But, amongst the joy are some niggling feelings…
It’s all well and good thinking about a potential second baby in theory. But when that little extra line on the pregnancy test appeared, the reality of it started to bite and sheer panic set in. Three words came to mind – I’m. Not. Ready.
I thought I was prepared. Now I’m freaking the f*ck out.
Two under two, what were we thinking? I’m already exhausted running around after a very active and mouthy ten month old in a two-storey house, what happens when I’m hippopotamus-sized and trying to chase a (probably by then) 15 kg toddler up and down stairs?
There are definite downsides to being pregnant again while already looking after a baby. Changing a very full nappy of a large baby who is well established on protein, carbs and veggies – that’s an experience that would turn any stomach, let alone that of a newly pregnant and very nauseous woman.
And then there was that particularly peachy moment last week when I suddenly needed to throw up and ran for the bathroom, only to have Number One follow me then stand there holding onto my back as I retched. He then proceeded to dirty his nappy in a big way while I was being sick. And I slightly peed myself at the same time – I guess that old pelvic floor never quite did get back to the way it was pre-baby!
Graphic, yes, but it serves to illustrate my current thoughts on women who are pregnant and already looking after children – you are superwomen. If you have more than one to look after while pregnant, you are an angel. People should bottle your strength and sell it, I want some of that magic.
With the sickness comes a multitude of other ‘pregnancy perks’ that I’m just not ready for. I’m not ready for my cankles to come back. I’m quite comfy sitting under my pre-first baby weight, thanks very much. I’ve just started to enjoy how well my jeans fit. I’m enjoying my wine (oh red wine, how I miss you already), exercising properly, having a sex life back, and that things are relatively sorted on the sleeping/feeding/routine front with our boy.