Baby names, and the trap millennial women are falling into.

Baby names have officially lost the plot.

If you’ve named a child, or thought about naming a child, in the last few years, you’ve likely come across an entire ecosystem of content on Instagram and TikTok dedicated to the task. 

The latter even has its own sub-category, "NameTok", devoted to the nuances of newborn #namespo.

Naturally, people who are into baby naming have a name for themselves. They are called Name Nerds, and they swap rising trends and trade unique monikers like betting tips. It's like we’ve forgotten we’re talking about naming actual people and not, you know, horses.

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No doubt it's a huge deal, giving a child the name they'll have for life. The sequence of letters that will help determine their identity. 

But that's just the problem — in 2024, it's too huge of a deal. 

Which makes it absolutely ripe for internet commentary. For unpicking and unpacking and exploiting for content. There's a reason we're so fast to click on stories about the year's hottest baby names, or the latest celebrity birth announcement.

On the Instagram account for Nameberry, ‘the world’s largest website devoted to baby names’, you can watch countless reels featuring Editor-In-Chief Sophie Kihm, the "name guru to the stars", who specialises in predicting celebrity baby names. Her videos are fascinating and ingenious. In them she gathers evidence and data based on a famous person or couple’s distinct likes and dislikes, lifestyle preferences and general ~aura~ to determine what direction they might go in to name their child.

She analysed Sofia Richie Grange and Elliot Grange before they welcomed their baby daughter, and came close with her prediction of Elodie (they went with Eloise). She accurately deduced that British singer Pixie Lott would name her son Bertie. Lott even commented on her reel to congratulate her for the correct guess.

Her potential name list for Nara and Lucky Blue Smith included Dimple, Bonnet, Pebble and Pillow, though the couple landed on Whimsy Lou. Again, not far off the mark.

She also covers breaking baby name news, like the recent reveal of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds’ fourth child’s name (it’s Olin, by the way).

Influencers are now also sharing the outlandish names they like but won't be using... before their baby is even born. In a video which has now been viewed over 19 million times, reality star Francesa Farago listed names including Afternoon, Monday, Orca, Lovely, Prosper, Rocket and Darling as some of her favourites.

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Celebrity baby names are one thing though. They’ve always been a source of public fascination, becoming a cliche unto themselves. We all felt adequately sated when Grimes and Elon Musk announced their first child's name was X Æ A-Xii. Like all was right with the world.

We expect celebrities to come up with new and inventive names like Whimsy Lou and Apple; that is their right.

But when did we start expecting it of ourselves?

Baby naming social media accounts, such as Notable Names, Soft Baby Names, Pearl and Lark or Australian site The Name Nest, are full of suggestions to help you land the *perfect* one, laying out options in lists organised by theme or subculture. These vary from the mainstream (“If you like Charlotte, you might like…”) to the incredibly niche (“One syllable boy names from 1884”).

We used to consult baby name books. Sure, they were hundreds of pages long, but the books had a beginning and an end. The lists were exhaustive; not exhausting.

But now, for an already overwhelmed generation of millennials (and Gen Z) tasked with naming Generation Alpha, the issue is that the inspiration is plentiful and never-ending.

So. Many. Names. Image: Instagram/@softbabynames

Once you engage with one of these accounts or pocket a list in your Instagram Saved folder, you get served more. The algorithm assumes you’re after a little steer and assaults your feed with other lists of trending names you might be interested in.

Names with a NY prep-school vibe.

Tortured Poets Department Baby Names.

Vintage Belgian Compound Names.

This is great if you’re seeking some namespo. But not so great if you’ve since made your decision, done your social media announcement and now you need to move on.

Because the onslaught continues. Here are 745 baby names you might like better. Here’s exactly how common the one you chose is. Here’s precisely why you liked that name, the cultural context it exists in and why thousands of others were influenced by it too. 

Image: Instagram/@pearlandlark

It’s enough to make any pregnant woman scratch their head, or worse, make a new mum regret her decision.

Should my little girl’s name be more prep school? Should I have gone for a sib-set of Substantial Vintage Names with Three Syllables for my twin boys?

You want your baby name to be on-trend, but not trendy. 

It should ideally be inside the top 1000, but not top 10.

What are these outrageous rules and who made them?

Some people willingly outsource the onerous task of deciding on a name, turning to online baby name consultants. 

On their Instagram accounts, "name experts" share real-life queries from expecting parents, calling out to their communities to help name little ones before they arrive. 

"A sister for Henry and Benjamin; classic name. Love, but cannot use: Clara, Caroline, Charlotte. Maybe: Claire, Ellea, Lillian."

It begs the question: if your parameters are that tight can you not just decide for yourself? What’s wrong with the maybe list? You’ve probably been spending too much time on NameTok, that’s your problem.

There was a time when a unique name was the exception. In a class of Jessicas and Kates and Rebeccas, one or two children were called something a little more experimental. 

But in 2024, things have flipped on their head. Our generation seems to be caught up with over-correcting our parents’ lack of originality.

Inspiration account Delicate Names posts pretty stock images overlaid with imaginary names. Scrolling the feed you’ll see wall-to-wall gems like "Nirveli", "Merewen", "Pipaluk", "Perley" and "Madielle" and are any of these even names? Is anyone actually calling their baby Pipaluk?

Where does this all end? Will the pendulum swing so far in one direction that "Paul" and "Mary" become ultra-cool again? Basic names ripe for rediscovery: Paul, Mary, Sue, Jane, Colin...

Sigh.

Let's not lose sight of what we're really doing here. We're naming people — not trying to out-baby-name each other.

Feature image: Getty.