'I asked women to share their experiences with formula feeding. This is what they told me.'

At the start of the month, over 120 countries celebrated World Breastfeeding week. It was also, coincidentally, the week I decided my four-week-old would be moving to formula.

My social feeds were flooded with incredible images of women breastfeeding and sharing stories about their breastfeeding journey. It was inspiring; I am in awe of how women overcome the challenges and go on to successfully breastfeed. 

What came as no surprise though was the emotional reaction these posts stirred up. The comments were not for the fainthearted. 

Among the positive messages celebrating women who could/who chose to breastfeed, there were comments from disheartened mothers who wanted more than anything to breastfeed and couldn’t. 

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The World Health Organisation recommends exclusively breastfeeding babies to six months of age.

In Australia, breastfeeding statistics indicate we are falling short of the above recommendations. Statistics from the 2010 Australian National Infant Feeding Survey indicate that 96 per cent of mothers initiate breastfeeding. Thereafter, exclusive breastfeeding rates drop off. Less than half (39 per cent) of babies are still being exclusively breastfed to three months (less than four months) and less than one quarter (15 per cent) to five months (less than six months).

But although the statistics show that the majority of parents are using formula, there is such a stigma faced by those who choose to formula feed their babies. 

After my son was born, we had some feeding challenges. He wasn’t able to latch correctly and he couldn’t seal his bottom lip, so I ended up pumping and giving him expressed breast milk. However, that didn’t last too long. As anyone who has ever pumped will tell you, it can be so time-consuming and for me, it was soul destroying. It was taking me away from spending time holding and bonding with my newborn. 

When I was pregnant again, I made a decision that I would try again - 'do better', try harder, be more resilient. I enrolled in an online course, read books, and spoke to women who had positive breastfeeding experiences. I spoke to my obstetrician and the midwives at my hospital beforehand so they knew exactly what I wanted. 

When I started facing trouble again the second time round, I felt severely disappointed. I also found there are no real safe spaces to discuss the fact you may not want to breastfeed or that it just doesn’t work for you. In fact, when I asked women to share their experiences with formula feeding with me in various forums, I was accused of being offensive because I was asking during World Breastfeeding week.

Anyone who has struggled with feeding issues will understand that there is a stigma associated with formula feeding, an insinuation that you are less than, or providing your child with an inferior product. Formula tins are plastered with the messaging, 'Breastmilk is best for your child, please consult your doctor before giving this to your baby.'

Image: Supplied. 

When I asked women to share their experience with formula feeding, I was inundated with responses, and 95 per cent of those were from women who tried to breastfeed for as long as they could. 

I read through their stories, the guilt, pain, and justifications. There were stories of multiple rounds of mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples, months of pumping, prescription medication, private lactation consultants, and health issues for mother or baby.

What also stood out was the shame, the disappointment, and the judgement that these mothers felt, not only from external sources (health professionals, family members, mothers' groups), but how harshly they judged themselves. 

There were also tough lessons learned, with mothers who felt they had missed out on those precious early months with their baby while they were strapped to an electric pump. There were lots of regrets about the lengths they went to in order to 'keep going' and what impact that had on them and their families. 

There were the mothers who chose to formula feed from the outset, because they wanted to involve their partner, or because they had to return to work relatively soon after the birth and didn’t want their baby to refuse the bottle. 

There were those who wanted to lean on their village, who had experienced anxiety or depression in the past so they didn’t want to exasperate their condition. 

For some women, the thought of being the only food source for their child and not being able to share the load was too overwhelming to consider, particularly after nine months of pregnancy.  

There were those who had a negative experience the first time around so they decided to go straight to bottles to save themselves the heartache. 

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For some mothers, the choice was taken away from them and they had to use formula due to health issues that either they or their child was facing.

For others, the decision came about after unbelievably challenging weeks or months of pain, of low supply, poor recovery after a traumatic birth, of their baby falling off the growth charts 'failing to thrive', or of not wanting to feed in public.

All of these women had faced judgement at some point in their journey, whether it be from relatives telling them their kids would now get sick, from other mothers claiming it’s the only way to bond with your baby, or health professionals saying that in a pandemic, nothing is more crucial than giving your baby breastmilk. They had all felt and been made to feel guilty at varying times in their journey. 

I could relate to all of these women. The internal angst over what your threshold should be. The heat of shame that you feel when someone asks you, 'How’s the feeding going? Are you breastfeeding?' or preparing a bottle of formula in public.

It feels like a failure. 

My own experiences with health workers have been mixed. But when I reached out for support, I was predominately met with compassion and empathy and told that a fed baby is a happy baby, and of course, a happy mum means a happy baby. 

Those women (shout out to the pregnancy, birth and baby hotline) were literal lifelines. But there are still those health professionals that implore you to breastfeed - no matter the cost. The advice is conflicting, and it can be hard to find other people going through what you are.

Whilst we are consistently told that breastfeeding is natural, that doesn’t mean it comes easy. I don’t ever remember being told how difficult it would be, despite attending parenting classes and reading several books. 

There is no doubt that there are wonderful supportive resources available, such as the Australian Breastfeeding Association, who have a 24/7 hotline, which is run completely by volunteers. We are incredibly lucky in Australia to have access to knowledgeable and competent midwives who provide that initial support.

Yet when you look at the drop off rates, it’s clear that mothers need more support. If it takes up to six weeks to establish breastfeeding, why is the dad and partner pay only two weeks? Why are there so many organisations still not offering or being incentivised to offer any form of paid parental leave to the primary, and secondary carers? We need to do more to support mothers - whether they decide to breastfeed or not.

Let’s remove the shame and guilt and acknowledge that all parents ultimately want the best for their children and that looks different for each family. 

And if you’re out there, struggling with making this decision, I see you. And don't worry, in a few months' time, there will be other elements of parenting that elicit more unwanted opinions and judgement, like sleep training and solids and how soon you return to work. Hang in there. 

Feature Image: Supplied.

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