Warning: This post includes details and imagery of stillbirth that may be triggering for some readers.
Aimee Green and her partner Ryan Conroy had spent many weeks creating the perfect pink nest and practising their pram-pushing in eager anticipation of their baby girl’s arrival.
Finally, after a textbook nine-month pregnancy, November 2017 swung around and the big day was here.
The young British couple had meticulously researched, discussed and planned out exactly how the birth would unfold: at home, just two of them, in a birthing pool, and supported by a team of midwives. But, tragically, and in a way that no one could ever have foreseen, their daughter Luna didn’t survive.
Green has recounted her experience in a heartbreaking blog in the hope it helps other grieving parents.
She wrote that on the day of the birth, she called their local hospital in Plymouth to let them know she was having a home birth. Midwives were sent over, and the 11-hour labour progressed smoothly.
But in the very final moments of the birth, things went terribly wrong. The umbilical cord had fatally ruptured, and Luna was stillborn.
“I looked up to see the faces of (midwife) Lizzie and Ryan stood side by side, of which this image still makes me feel sick, why isn’t everyone smiling?” she wrote.
“This was not the feeling of euphoria I was expecting, why isn’t she crying, what’s going on?”
Luna was whisked away to the resuscitation table in the kitchen, and Green’s sense of time and space suddenly began to blur.
“What was going on, why wasn’t she crying, what are they doing to her, am I okay, am I alive, am I dreaming, when will I wake up?” she wrote.
“At that very moment I just wanted to die. I had no idea how Ryan would ever love me again or how I would cope. This was the lowest point I had ever felt in my whole life.”