sex

"I suffer from terminal ugliness." What it's like to be a virgin in your late 20s and beyond.

This week on Married at First Sight viewers (basically) watched as 29-year-old Matt lost his virginity to his ‘wife’ Lauren on his honeymoon.

“Last night I lost my virginity,” he told the camera after being shown kissing Lauren in bed before the ad break. “It was just a beautiful moment. It was… probably more than I expected it would be. It was… It was amazing.”

It was the end of the storyline of the Sunshine Coast videographer struggling with anxiety and managing to overcome his complex feelings about sex to make his fake marriage work.

Mamamia staff reveal how they lost their virginity. Post continues after.

But as unusual as the 29-year-old’s situation was made out to be, there are thousands of people who remain virgins into their late 20s, 30s and even 40s and 50s.

Here are five people’s stories about abstaining from sex until later in life.

‘I’m a 28-year-old female, and I don’t give a f*ck about f*cking.’

Elise* posted to Reddit in 2016 about her virginity, telling the online forum she was completely fine with the fact that she had not lost it yet.

She explained that sex just doesn’t interest her.

“It’s not like a hatred for relationships or anything, it’s just like… imagine a hobby that other people have, where you just aren’t interested in it at all. You don’t care to hear about it, to do it yourself, and you don’t see why people want to do it. It’s just not that fascinating to you. And before anyone asks, yes, I’ve gotten myself off before. It’s just okay,” she said.

‘It wasn’t like I intended it to work out this way. I just happened to remain a virgin until I was 35.’

In 2017, Marie* told Mamamia she suspected the reason she had remained a virgin until her mid-30s was her tendency to “push men away”.

“It wasn’t like I intended it to work out this way. I’ve not been precious about meeting my true love, saving it for a serious relationship or marriage, and it’s not because of religious or cultural reasons,” she said.

“I just happened to remain a virgin until I was 35.

“I never had a boyfriend at high school or university and I was grossly overweight which only compounded things. Now that’s not to say that men don’t like big women. But for a long time I convinced myself that was the truth and blamed the entire male species for not being able to see beyond my belly. The truth I came to realise over the years is that it was me who couldn’t see beyond my body and I pushed men away.”

‘My close friends think it’s weird I’m still in this position.’

Last year, 38-year-old Sam* opened up to Reddit about his virginity and the fact that he’s never had a girlfriend. He wasn’t a virgin by choice, adding that he often felt like he was “missing out”.

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“I was fairly popular in high school, not ugly, was in shape… That said, I have no confidence around women. Much of this stems from being extremely short (5’3″),” he said.

“I don’t hate women for having preferences since we all have them; each of us is superficial in some way… I’ve kind of already accepted how things are.

“Despite this, I’m actually a pretty happy guy. The thing that does make me sad, on occasion, is the feeling that I’m missing out on a major part of what makes us human: sex sure, but more the companionship, the feeling of loving someone and being loved (in a non-familial way). (I feel like) I’m different, like I’m on the outside, alone, looking in on everyone else… I’ve always felt like I’m an extra in other people’s lives.

“Anyway, I’m not really ashamed, and like I said, I’m not unhappy. I have a lot to be thankful for.”

‘I’m 32 and I’ve never even been kissed.’

Last year, Kate* wrote to Mamamia about never having kissed or slept with a man at 32. She said that while she’s not embarrassed by her situation, she’s not exactly forthcoming with the information.

“I don’t feel shame because I don’t think there is something inherently ‘wrong’ with being a virgin or with me. Therefore, there’s no shame in it.”

“I don’t worry that I’m not worth liking. It seems other people don’t either. On the odd occasion that someone asks about previous relationships and finds I haven’t had any, they generally respond with a combination of disbelief and surprise,” she added.

“In general, however, I don’t throw the information about my lack of experience around. But if people ask me about my experience in the right context, I honestly answer the question. There’s a reason why I don’t tell everyone in every situation. Sometimes, the surprise people feel is followed by what seems to be pity.”

‘I’m 58… I suffer from terminal ugliness.’

In 2014, a man with a heartbreaking past of childhood abuse told Science of Us about what life is like as a 58-year-old virgin.

“When people ask me why I’m a virgin, I tell them I suffer from terminal ugliness. I have an eye that doesn’t line up with the other one. I’d probably look better if I wore a pirate patch,” he said.

“I’ve only ever been on one date and I have never been in a relationship.

“I think it’s the fear of knowing people don’t find me attractive,” he said of why he hasn’t lost his virginity.

He added that over the years, he has grown fearful of losing his virginity.

“I worry if I will be able to bring pleasure to my mate? Will I be a complete drag? I’m scared of getting rejected afterwards and also just not knowing what to do. I might not measure up to her expectations. I think there must be some sort of learning curve involved in it before it becomes fun. Any activity requires practice before you are really going to enjoy it.”

You can read the full interview from Mamamia‘s 2014 story here.

*Names have been changed. 

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