RECAP: How many starving humans does it take to finish a Survivor puzzle?

It’s Day 20 in the faraway land of Australian Survivor, and things are getting strained AF.

There’s nothing to eat, no one is following the alpha males of their tribes and a guy wearing nothing underneath his pleather jacket was just voted out at the last tribal council.

At Asaga, Jericho is truly pissed about the decision to let Mark go, and as such, decides the best way to vent his post-elimination anger is to secretly put his camp’s fire out in the middle of the night, leaving them without warmth and a method of cooking the minimal portions of beans and rice the tribes are given.

australian survivor locky
Source: Channel 10.

"No Mark, no fire," he says before adding, "There is no Asaga in my blood anymore I am disowning them completely and there is gonna be a bloodbath for every single one of these guys. I don't care what happens; I just want them to suffer."

Nothing like a starving group of power-hungry individuals sleeping under palm fronds and battling the elements every night before undertaking grueling physical challenges to throw the natural order of things into a tailspin and suddenly make people sound like serial killers in training, is there?

At the ever losing tribe of Samatau, things are going from bad to worse for a select few.

They've been marooned on an island for three weeks and only two people are truly committed to following Locky around and Locky for one, cannot understand it.

He's tall. He's buff. He's handsome. He's good in challenges, builds fires, cuts down trees for fun and has the words 'strength and honour' tattooed across his chest for fuck's sake, so why is no one other than a barrel racer with a whiny attitude and a woman who has said literally 10 words all season the only people following him around?


If only Locky could get some one-on-one LaPaglia time out there in the deep blue middle of nowhere to help him make sense of this whole being on the bottom thing.

australian survivor locky
Source: Channel 10.

Speaking of LaPaglia, it's time for an immunity challenge and this week raises the question, how many starving humans does it take to finish a puzzle?

In what is the perfect mix of nonsensical and difficult, this week's challenge demands contestants untie a series of knots to open a gate, make a bridge of bamboo logs, find two keys hidden within a maze they cannot see, and then, finally, pull a sleigh with one of their team members (who's carrying a lit torch, no less) in it across said bridge to a beacon at the end of the course that, only when lit, signifies the winner.

australian survivor peter
Source: Channel 10.

God, I feel tired just relaying that, but not as tired as I feel watching Ziggy and Peter try to find those keys and fail so, so badly.

It's like watching parents trying to understand the music their kids are into. Like watching boyfriends birthday shop for their girlfriends. Like listening to someone talking about just how much their summer trip across India changed them for the better.

Naturally, Samatau loses and Locky cannot deal. That or his appendix has just burst, I dunno. It's hard to tell.

australian survivor double elimination
Source: Channel 10.

Being on the bottom, Locky wastes no time telling everyone at tribal council that A.K is, in fact, the worst (true) and that they should all vote him out sooner rather than later (false, he's one of the few unashamedly horrible people on the show that actually makes it worth watching).

Clearly, though, the plight of the hot man not understanding why his pecs aren't having more of an impact works, because A.K and Tara both tie for votes and Lock-dog is safe to see another day in the sun.

When it comes time to the revote, Tara is "sent home", but just before LaPaglia snuffs her torch, he springs another elimination on them and Annelise, the woman whose name I just had to Google, also "goes home," leaving Locky's alliance of three down to just one. (And by goes home I mean are sent to exile beach ahead of a tribe reshuffle.)

Time to find that man a Wilson ball, stat.