If you were hoping for 2017 to be a better year than whatever the hell we just experienced, then I have some bad news for you.
On 12 January, ‘Revenge Bodies with Khloe Kardashian‘ will premiere on E!
It’s new. It’s edgy. It’s challenging.
Except that it’s just The Biggest Loser but with a Kardashian.
It’s about “achieving” a revenge body, you see. Khloe explains the process as “having revenge on this life you once had that you won’t even want any more.”
Listen to The Binge explain exactly what’s so wrong with Khloe Kardashian’s new show.
Well, I found it online and filled it out so you don’t have to.
And it’s by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever done. Here are the five most bizarre questions that, in my opinion, have nothing to do with anything.
- Are there any family members you do not have a relationship with anymore and wish you did? Describe.
Oh, goodness. Well that’s sad.
If this had occurred I don’t think I’d want to tell my ‘Revenge Bodies with Khloe Kardashian’ application form about it. Am I going to get fit and hot so I can…take revenge on my family? I just don’t feel like that is healthy, but what would I know.
2. What are some of the most embarrassing moments you experienced as a kid? Describe in detail.
I HAVE SPENT THE LAST 20 YEARS TRYING TO FORGET THESE. WHY WOULD I TELL YOU, KHLOE?
There’s the time I decided to wear my sports uniform on the weekend because I was so proud of it.
Or the time I wore my grandmother’s petticoat at a family Christmas and performed Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On. Or the time I had a bowl cut for five years. Or the time I vomited on the carpet in Kindergarten. IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU, KHLOE? DO I WIN YET?
3. List all the people you have cut out of your life, how they are related to you, and why you cut them out.
I feel like my life is not nearly as dramatic as it would need to be to qualify for this show. Is it common to cut people out of your life? And then maybe lose a heap of weight to make them...like you more? I don't get it.
4. Has there been any incident involved another person that you are trying to forget? Please explain.
Okay, firstly, there's a typo in this question. So there's that. They mean involving*.