Imagine if your partner started pressing you for another baby seven weeks after birth, even though you had both agreed to have no more children.
Well, this is the exact situation Reddit user, Boneyard0910, found himself in after the birth of his daughter.
Posting the thread to the site, he asked other Reddit users for their advice. Boneyard0910 explains that he and his girlfriend (who has another child from a previous relationship) had ‘the discussion’ about children while they were expecting their daughter and had both agreed to stop at the one.
Seven weeks ago they had a baby girl.
He explains that the couple have only been seeing each other for a year and described their time together as being tumultuous. “It seems that we argue a lot” he explains, “I base it upon her being very jealous. She has kicked me out three times, however the last time she claims I left, but maybe that's for another post.”
Boneyard0910 says that his girlfriend approached him on the weekend and was now considering having another baby. “She said she was 90/10 on having another child (90% not having a child/10% having a child). I told her I still didn't want one. Since this was my first child, I am still learning how to be a dad, a step-dad to her son, and a good man for her.”
He says that the discussion escalated into an argument which saw him agree to be ‘open’ to the idea just to end the fight. He explains that she was angry because he wasn’t open to listening to her and says that he is making the decision for her. Either way, she says, one of them will get what they want. Despite telling her that he will revisit the idea in a few months time when things settle down with the new baby, his girlfriend said that she will go to a sperm bank if he ‘stands in between her dreams’. Basically she wants a decision now.
His girlfriend went on to say that she believes the best approach is to have unprotected sex and if it happens, it happens. Boneyard was understandably not sold on this idea and didn’t want to proceed. “Sex has always been an issue,” he says “but now it's going to be even more of an issue when I use protection or have to stop half way through so I don't make a baby. She has talked to her doctor about an IUD and would have gotten one Thursday, but they didn't have any in the office.”
And so, he opened it up to the people for comment.
“Stand firm. Tell her under no uncertain circumstances that you are not ready, because, frankly, you're not. You hardly know this person you just had a baby with, and you don't get along at all. While having the first baby might be romantic and all, add a second to that mix, and things get kind of chaotic. Considering the above, there's no way any sane person would ever consider such a thing.”
“I also just wanted to point this out. Its not "her choice." It takes two to conceive, and it would be a responsibility for both of you. Not just her. She sounds like an angry 16 year old trying to convince her parents she should be able to do something.”
“I'll go further. That kind of instability and abuse (that's what it is), if it occurs for long periods of time, is harmful for children to simply be around. It's like an environmental toxin that affects their brain. I don't mean a little harmful like a bit too much fast food or something. I mean changed the way they view all relationships impacts lifelong happiness kind of harm.”
“Google ‘oppositional defiance disorder.’”
“How about telling her that you don't feel up to it now, but that you could possibly discuss this in six months or another set time? Having a baby is a big change both for you and for her, and if you frame it as wanting to experience this time without having another baby planned, and that she could also benefit from some extra thinking time due to hormones, recovery and everything.”
WATCH, the moment you knew things between you and your partner were over.