This morning I was on the train when a woman pulled out a small disposable razor and started shaving her legs.
Yep. She was shaving her legs. DRY. ON THE TRAIN.
Um, I know it’s the silly season and all, but seriously? I’d much rather go to work with the hairiest legs in the world than shave in front of an entire peak hour train carriage.
Unfortunately, that’s not even the weirdest thing that’s known to happen on public transport. Here are some (of many) more annoying passenger habits:
1. People who board without letting others off first
These people are so desperate to nab a seat, they’re willing to bowl over frail elderly women and their tiny walking sticks.
You’ve probably seen them before – they’re the commuters who line up where they think the carriage will stop about 15 minutes before the train’s expected to actually arrive.
They refuse to move for people getting on other trains and when theirs finally arrives, they barge in the doors as soon as possible — alighting passengers be damned.
I don’t know where you people learned your manners, but don’t you know you’re supposed to stand to the side of the carriage and wait for EVERYONE TO GET OFF?
Would you really prefer be the cause of someone falling onto the freaking train tracks, rather than having to stand for 10 measly minutes?
Remember: sensible people are good people.
2. People who sniffle and/or cough without covering their mouth
Not only are you probably infecting me with your illness, but you’re doing in a really awful way. Just stop.
Nobody can help getting sick and sometimes we still have to go to work, but please try not to spread your germs by being a gross person.
Trust me, the sound of blowing your nose is much nicer than the sound of snot being sucked around every two minutes.
3. People who put their bags on the seat
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. What gives you the right to dictate whether people can sit next to you?
Did your bag pay for a ticket? No, I didn’t think so!
I know it’s as simple as asking someone to move their bag, which I’ve happily done on many occasions. But the point is that I shouldn’t have to do in the first place.
How about you just not put your stuff on perfectly good seats? Great, thanks.
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4. People who trim their nails
To be honest, this is even grosser than shaving your legs on public transport.
Where are your disposed nails going? Are you dropping them on the floor so that someone else can clean them up, or are you allowing them to fling across the carriage and potentially land on some poor unsuspecting soul’s head?
Either way, not cool.
5. People who eat smelly food
People who eat on public transport don’t bother me at all. But people who eat smelly food in small spaces? Bad.
Whipping out a can of tuna, an egg sandwich or even leftover curry is a huge no no. It gets up the nostrils of everyone around you and when it mixes with the already sometimes-questionable scent of public transport, they'll want to puke.
I used to catch the train to work, and without fail, the same woman would sit next to me every single morning. She seemed nice enough, but she liked to eat corn on the cob for breakfast.
Now, plenty of people enjoy a good cob of corn — but I don’t know anyone who eats it at 7:30am. Out of a plastic bag. For 50 minutes straight.
I even moved carriages several times, but she somehow still sought me out. She then spent the entire journey nibbling as slowly as possible on her corn while elbowing me in the ribs.
6. People who read over your shoulder
Trust me, my text messages aren’t that interesting. Most of the time I’m just messaging my mum asking her what belongs in the fridge and what belongs in the pantry.
It’s even more annoying when I’m trying to read a book or newspaper. You do know that you’re not being stealthy, right? I can feel your eyes burning through my pages.
If you’re really that fascinated with my reading material, why don’t you just buy your own damn one?
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7. People who listen to music without headphones
Yes, I always listen to music on public transport. I’d be bored out of my mind otherwise.
But I use these small things called headphones that – shockingly – allow only me to hear my music. Crazy concept, right?
Apparently it is for some people. They seem to think their music is so great that everyone else should also be subjected to its torture.
But the train’s not your personal dance party, buddy, so give it up.
Feel free to inflict the pain on your own ears, but leave mine out of it.