It’s Thursday afternoon and things are looking bleak.
You’re tired, hangry and infinitely less fresh under the arms than you were six hours ago.
Rather than turning to the catering remnants from an important meeting you weren’t invited to, let us indulge in some highly relevant and entirely necessary celebrity fluff.
We deserve it.
1. Amy Schumer asks Netflix to treat female and male comics equally, pretty please
Using her best manners, Amy Schumer has asked Netflix for a raise after discovering her male colleagues are earning close to double her current salary.
Fellow Netflix comedians, Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle both reportedly secured US $20 million (AUD $25 million) for their comedy specials. Clearly Schumer's The Leather Special was deemed to be half as 'special' as theirs, only receiving a measly US $11 million (AUD $14 million).
While we're yet to find out exactly how much the 36-year-old Trainwreck actress was able to wrangle, Variety reports she got “significantly more”... which should not be confused with its feminist cousin, "equal to".
Sam Frost on feeling 'challenged' getting into swimwear
In the lead up to her new gig on Home and Away, former Bachelorette Sam Frost has described her relationship with her bikini as 'challenging' - which is just about the most relatable thing ever.
"I am comfortable in my body but I'm quite shy about showing it," the media personality told Who Magazine.
"I'm not a person who actively shows my bikini body on social media, for example, but I'm just going to have to challenge myself and go, 'All right, Sam, you've got to push through this barrier."
While the 28-year-old is busy reportedly kicking arse in her first acting role, we're busy dreaming of a world where all women feel comfy in their bodies, whether they're soft, skinny, or sand-phobic.
Lena Dunham: 'If you like me and Judd Apatow you like Jews'
Just putting up this picture of @juddapatow and me because I love him and he inspires me and he's the least creepy man in Hollywood and I plan to be his friend forever and ever and thank him every way I can for the magic he's brought to my life. Also WE ARE JEWS, okay!? So if you like us you like JEWS.
Lena Dunham has awarded Judd Apatow - director of Bridesmaids and the Anchorman movies - as "the least creepy man in Hollywood".
"I love him and he inspires me," the author and creator of Girls wrote.
Oh, and she had a message for white supremacists, too.
Posting a photo of herself and Apatow to her three million Instagram followers, the Girls star explained yes, modern day KKK clansmen are fans of Jewish people... most likely without even knowing it.
"WE ARE JEWS, okay!? So if you like us you like JEWS," Dunham clarified, plunging hoards of Tiki Torch holders into identity crises.
Excuse us, but the world's highest paid actor is Mark Wahlberg and prepared to feel dejected
In the 2017 'World's Highest-Paid Actors And Actresses' list, Forbes has confirmed two Emma Stones + a bit extra = Mark Wahlberg.
We're both deflated and confused.
Knocking Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson off the top spot, Forbes reported Wahlberg pocketed a casual US$68 million (just over AU$86 million) in the last year.
Coming in 15th as the highest earning female actor, Emma Stone earned US$26 million (almost AU$33 million). Yep.
In an attempt to rationalise this information, Mamamia is investigating the direct correlation between penis possession and earning potential.
We'll keep you posted.
Georgia Love and Lee Elliot are celebrating their first anniversary with a photo shoot
When us regular humans celebrate relationship milestones, we eat chocolate, cheers the memories to come, and dash to the florist because we 100 per cent did not know today was our six-month anniversary. (Are six month anniversaries really a thing??? ARE THEY???)
But long ago, we established Bachelor couples are not like us regular humans. They are super couples, brought together by helicopters, cheese platters and excellent casting, and therefore must celebrate accordingly.
Georgia Love and Lee Elliot - winners of The Bachelorette 2016 - have done just that, marking one year together in the real world with a photo shoot with NW Magazine.
"When they wanted hot couple pics but forgot they'd asked the two biggest dags in the country," journalist Love captioned an image posted to Instagram.
Here's hoping we never, ever see a Blake and Louise-style break up shoot from these two.
Speaking of love, find out how Matty is REALLY going in his quest for life-long fulfilment on Australia's funniest Bachelor podcast, Bach Chat...
Cut the crap.