He sat on the couch, complaining about an expensive business venture which had failed. His biggest failure to date. It had cost us thousands, a price which sat unspoken between us. Another elephant in the room of our marriage.
"If people had backed it more, it would have worked! We need to move somewhere that people are more supportive of forward thinking ideas. This town is too stuck in its ways."
Moving? Again? We’d only been in our new house a matter of months. "Why can’t this be enough? What you have here?" I asked.
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"What do you mean?" he said, too angry to really pay attention.
But I was getting desperate. I could feel our marriage slipping away and I needed him to understand. "Look at what you have. A wife who loves you, two wonderful children, a beautiful new home, a job you said you wanted. Isn’t that enough?"
"So you’re saying it’s my problem?"
I felt sorry for him in that moment. I saw his future laid out like a set of tarot cards. He was going to lose it all. I knew it would never be enough. Nothing would.
A trip to the movies was one of the "awakening" moments I had near the end of my marriage.
I’d taken my girls and a friend to the movies. The Greatest Showman was playing and my girls and I love musicals so it was an easy pick.
The movie was impressive, with big dance acts and catchy songs but halfway through I found myself crying. I was watching my own life, my marriage, play out on the big screen.
My life was a circus, and I’d married the ringmaster. The similarities of the main character, based on real-life, charismatic entrepreneur P.T. Barnum, and my husband were uncanny.