Has a pretty mild flirtation gotten out of hand?
By: Dr Judith Tutin for YourTango.com
In this day and age, most of us have friends of the opposite sex, whether they are co-workers, casual acquaintances or close confidantes. The question is: how close is too close when you’re in a romantic relationship with someone else?
Here are some signs that your so-called friendship may be entering the not-so-grey area of emotional infidelity:
1. You dress up for him.
When you buy new clothes or change your hairstyle and wonder what he’ll think (instead of how your partner will react) that’s a danger sign. We all consider our audience when we’re getting ready to go out, but doing so with a particular other in mind — not your significant other — suggests there’s something more here than meets the eye.
2. You lie to your significant other about seeing him.
3. You do special things for him that you don’t do for others.
You give him that cute card that perfectly captures how you feel about your friendship, or the little knickknack from your last trip which you imagine him placing on his desk. It seems innocent enough, but they are little reminders of you and invitations to reciprocate. What are your true intentions about this relationship and this person?
4. You’re spending more and more time away from home and/or your significant other.
Late nights at the office are starting to add up. Long lunches are becoming routine. When you really think about it, you can see you’re trying to increase your opportunity to spend time with him at the expense of the time you spend with your significant other. What is all this time with him really about?
5. Your electronic communications are increasingly devoted to your non-significant other.
You can’t wait to surreptitiously check your phone to see the latest text from him. You’re up in the middle of the night on Facebook. When the balance of who you communicate with tips away from your significant other toward someone else, it’s a sure sign of trouble in both relationships.
6. You laugh more with him.
You “always” have more fun with him than with your partner. You like being with him. In fact, you prefer it.
7. You think about him all the time.
Your daydreams include this person almost to the exclusion of your partner. You muse about what would it be like to be with him all the time.
8. You compare him to your partner.
Comparing is a judgement, and judgements leave us feeling either really good or really bad. You think of him and you really feel good, and then you think of your partner and you feel bad in some way.
9. You anticipate your next encounter.
You are checking your email, phone or Facebook hoping he has contacted you. You feel excited and you are hoping he has contacted you.
10. You feel understood by him, unlike by your partner.
A really big red flag is when your thoughts wander towards “he really gets me. He knows exactly how I feel.” Then you think of your partner and how he doesn’t get you and he’s a loser when it comes to your feelings.