There are two types of people in the world: grubs and grub-shamers. So, which one are you?
1. Your understanding of a bin is more conceptual, rather than literal.
So, you throw a tissue into the bin, basketball-style, and you miss. But that’s okay, because the floor around the bin is also considered the bin. You’re postmodern like that.
2. If you have to do it manually – forget it.
Feather dusters and brooms are for amateurs which is why you vacuum your bookshelves and use a hairdryer or leaf-blower on your floors. They invented electricity for a reason, right? Dusting and sweeping by hand should be left back in the dark ages, thank you very much.
Instead of doing the dusting, why not get your nails done in a fun, spring style? Post continues after video.
3. Every place you’ve ever lived in has ants and cockroaches.
Is it a coincidence? Or is it because there are always dirty dishes and crumbs everywhere?
4. You put dirty dishes in interesting places.
Such as the fridge, oven and cupboards. Pretty much anywhere except for the dishwasher or a sink full of water and detergent. Washing up is boring.
5. A pizza box is forever.
For some reason, you just cannot throw out pizza boxes. They're too big to fit in the bin, and the edges rip into garbage bags. So, they just sit in the fridge for eternity.
6. Clean sheets? What?
When Martha Stewart was asked on Reddit, "Is it true you change your sheets everyday?" she responded with, "Yes. It's a luxury." For a grub, this "luxury" is one that is often forgotten in preference for doing more interesting things.
7. You rarely wash your makeup brushes.
Even if you're a beauty editor.
8. Clothes aren't dirty until you've worn them at least three times.
This is how some of the "clean" clothes in your wardrobe got food stains on them... and you don't remember how or when.
9. You are convinced that some items of clothing never need to be washed.
Scarves and bras, we're talking to you.
10. You have no idea when "bin day" is.
Sure, you've lived in the same place for ages, but you still have no idea when "bin day" is. Isn't that what housemates and spouses are for? On the other hand, council cleanup isn't an occasional thing for you. At your place, stuff can be left on the kerb year-round, because council clean-up is always soon, right?
11. Watching Hoarders is like looking into a crystal ball.
When some people watch Hoarders, they're in a state of disbelief at the piles of junk in the hoarders' homes. But you know that you're one gum wrapper away from needing the Hoarders team to rescue you. It's OK - you'll clean up tomorrow. Or the day after that.
We're guessing that your house doesn't look like this. Us neither. Post continues after gallery.
12. Your co-workers shame you.
Those passive-aggressive signs in the kitchen, ordering everyone to wipe up after themselves and stack the dishwasher? Uh, they're actually meant just for you. Everyone else is tidy. Also, you're the reason why the coffee machine got taken away - that time you didn't empty the coffee pod receptacle will be remembered by management forever.
13. You're scared to reach too far into your handbag.
Just like your understanding of the word "bin", your use of your handbag is creative and unorthodox. So, rather than using it to carry the essentials with you, it's more like a travelling bin-slash-filing cabinet.
You've also used it like a Stable Table, and as a pillow, and even as a step-stool. This means that, inside and out, your handbag is coated in grime. And so when you accidentally drop a Tic-Tac into your bag, you know that a) you'll never find it, and b) even if you do, it will be covered in filth, so there's no point in looking for it anyway.
14. Why fold when you can roll?
Some people pride themselves on knowing the "right" way to fold a bed sheet before storing it in a cupboard. Other people, like you, prefer to crumple all of their sheets into a huge ball, and then they call their wrinkled bed sheets "shabby chic". These people are also highly skilled in building enormous, hill-like structures out of their laundry, whether it is clean or dirty.
15. Your grubbiness is your best-kept secret.
Many grubs are high-functioning, and will exist secretly within society, keeping their mess and dirt behind closed doors. Surprisingly, a high proportion of grubs will appear to be beautifully groomed and sweet-smelling. But one thing's for certain: if you are lucky enough to discover that your friend is, actually, a grub, then you should feel privileged.
They've shown you their "real" selves. And it's likely that they're deeply interesting and stimulating people, as they have so much spare time from avoiding cleaning. Just bring some hand sanitiser with you, to be extra safe.
What are some other signs of being a grub? Are you - or a friend - a grub?