Because the Earth is round and time is a flat circle, The Bachelor’s Alex and Richie have thrown us off the scentagain, making fans DESPERATE to KNOW if they are STILL together.

I capitalise those random words for no real reason other than to illustrate HOW MUCH fans want to know and how much they like yelling about it. Because who said yelling at celebrities in the comment sections of their Instagram accounts wasn’t a hobby eh?!?!

Anyway. I digress.

Today is ex-Bachelor but maybe a Bachelor again Richie Strahan’s birthday.

And because your birthday only actually exists if your significant other publicly bids you a happy birthday on Instagram (and by that logic none of my last five birthdays ever happened – my boyfriend is a … dreamboat!), Alex Nation took to the platform to wish her boyfriend a happy birthday.

And oh my goodness, who knew something so innocent would cause so much turmoil and the need for

an investigative journalist

me to break it all down.

This is what she said:

“Big Happy Birthday to this guy! To think it’s been a year since we were both submerged in Lindt chocolate together. What a ride! I’m proud of how far you have come and I can’t wait to see what you do next!”

The caption was accompanied by a photo of the couple at least a metre apart and followed by three emojis: a firework (is that a thing that can be singular?), a champagne bottle and… a fist pump. Like the one you do with your buddy-buddy.

My braaaaain. It huuuurts.

Fans were quick to dissect the post’s meaning too, because who has actual work to do on a Friday afternoon?

“She didn’t mention the word LOVE in that Birthday msg? I think they are remaining friends but my intuition is telling me Alex broke it off a while ago… just sayin,” one said.

“Not lovey dovey at all,” another added.

And then my favourite, which encapsulates all that is good in a dedicated fan:

“WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??!!!????!!!??!?”

You can shame me all you want for throwing around what you assume are baseless theories about a relationship I have little to nothing to do with (actually nothing, nothing at all), but you should also know people consider the Illuminati a real and legitimate thing and therefore you’re clearly wasting your time hating me.

So with that in mind, I’m breaking this one down.

Arguments FOR a break up:

Arguments AGAINST:

I’ll be seeingyouin the next instalment of let’s-take-guesses-about-Alex-and-Richie-and-their-future.

Do you think we need new hobbies?

Nah.

Love TV, especially reality TV? You need to listen to The Binge.