'My dad went into aged care at 90. What happened next horrified me.'

Sandy Forster's dad was the "best dad ever". She knows everyone says that about their dad, but hers really was special, she says. 

"He was amazing, he was always present," Sandy says. "He actually won Sunshine Coast Father of the Year in 2017."

About 30 years after the kids left home, John Dillon moved into a retirement village just down the road from Sandy's place, where he lived with her mum for the next 25 years. 

"So, after my mum passed, he used to come here almost every day and potter around the garden and help," Sandy says. 

Watch: Ageism Explained. Article continues after the video.

His kindness extended beyond his family. At 90, John went to the Solomon Islands to help build a community centre. But dirty water caused by unforeseen heavy storms infected a small cut on John's leg, that never properly healed.  

"I was taking him to the doctor a few times a week to get the wound dressed. And then it became antibiotic resistant," Sandy says. 

John needed ongoing assistance, but Sandy's attempts to arrange reliable home care were futile, particularly with COVID restrictions in full swing. "Sometimes they just wouldn't turn up. And so he'd have his sores infected and no one would be there to dress them."

Despite working full time, Sandy tried to visit her dad daily. But what she saw one day, as she left her father's home, broke her heart, and she knew something had to change. 

"As I walked away, I looked in the window and he was sitting there with his elbows on his knees, his head down between his hands and my heart was just breaking.

"It was around this time he told me his friend had moved into an aged care facility where they 'did everything for him', and he said 'I could live there', he sounded so excited."

Until her father mentioned it, Sandy had intended to do everything she could to keep him out of aged care. But, her home was multilevel and unsuitable for her father, so they decided to explore the idea. 

"We rated them all. We rated them on what the rooms looked like, how clean the place was, how new it was, what the meals looked like, and what the staff looked like. We tried to talk to other residents too.

"He felt great about the idea of moving into an aged care facility. It just seemed like the answer to our prayers, he was so relieved because he didn't have to do anything like cook or clean. Someone would look after his sores. He just loved the idea."

They found one they were happy with, but after a few months, John moved to a location closer to Sandy so she could visit more often. Looking back now, she wonders what that first facility was really like for her father, who was always positive. 

At the new place though, Sandy visited every day, and before long, she realised things weren't as perfect as they seemed. 

"I brought him home for lunch one day and the pressure wraps for his legs were just hanging off," Sandy says. 

"I emailed everything. I took photos of everything. I took videos. It took months and months and months for them to get the pressure wraps right."

When she visited him, she found the toilet seat broken. 

"Which doesn't seem like a big deal, but if you go to sit on a toilet and the seat slides across and you're 92 years old, you're going to crack something. That took months and months to get fixed."

Another time, John went into hospital for a fall, but staff "forgot" to give him his pain medication, leaving him in agony.  

"This was a big deal. For this one, they had to do up an incident report because the medication had been forgotten."

On a separate occasion, Sandy went to visit her dad and found him asleep in the dining room, alone, two hours after lunch had finished. He was sliding sideways, almost falling off his chair. 

"Nobody would have seen him. You can't just leave someone sitting there, especially an older person. They're all going to break something."

Every time something happened, Sandy emailed the centre to ensure it was on record. 

"I complained all the time. They said they didn't mind. That it wasn't complaining. It was feedback. 

"Their response was always, 'Oh, we'll look into it, we'll give them further training, we'll make sure it's on his care plan. But nothing ever seemed to change."

"A neglected industry."

Sandy believes a lack of regulation or monitoring of the aged care industry has led to poor conditions, and ultimately difficulty attracting and retaining staff—which impacts the quality of care. 

"I think when someone is looking after old people, they need to want to do that," Sandy says. 

Staff turnover is also an issue. "They come and go. So they have no clue about the routine, what's happening with each person. They don't know anything," says Sandy. 

"If you were in a normal job and you were making that many mistakes, you'd be fired in an instant. It's such a neglected industry.

"There are carers that really care, but the residents don't have the same staff member looking after them all the time."

There were other issues too. His water bottle placed too far away for him to reach. UTIs being misdiagnosed and mismanaged. High-cost doctor visits that amounted to little more than a quick peek into his room as he slept. 

"And you think, if this is what's happening when you're so proactive and it's a nice place, I just felt so sorry for residents who don't have anyone. 

"The thing is, they are paying a s***load to be there and they should be looked after really well, all the time. Nothing should fall through the cracks."

An irreversible mistake. 

When John was 96, the aged care facility had sensors fitted to his bed, so when he tried to get in and out, someone could assist him to ensure he didn't fall. 

But almost every time Sandy visited him, the sensors would be off. Each time, Sandy would complain, but they always had an excuse. 

Then one day, John did fall, causing significant injury. A couple of days later, his foot turned blue, and a blood clot was discovered. 

"They couldn't operate and he was in, like a coma, for the last four or five days of his life.

"That was really distressing, because we knew he was going to die."

When John passed away, the grief Sandy felt over the loss of her much-loved dad was further compounded by the anger she felt towards those who were supposed to care for him. 

"In every email I sent to them, I said, 'I'm here for my dad. I'm speaking up for my dad'. I hate to think what is happening to all the other residents who don't have someone there speaking for them."

A voice for the voiceless. 

John Dillon was raised in an era of gratitude. He was thankful to bet getting three meals a day, his clothes washed and his bed made. He never complained about anything. The residents rarely do. 

"They come from a different era," Sanday says. "And the other side about complaining is, I don't think they want to because they're scared they're not going to be looked after. When you're vulnerable, you don't want to complain because you feel like things might get worse."

So, while there might be standards meant to be met, without someone advocating for change, mistakes—and even neglect — are easily swept under the carpet.

Unfortunately, aged care is not a sector that attracts attention—until you have a parent or loved one who needs it. And by then, many people are too exhausted to fight. 

"The last thing you feel like doing is picking up the banner and trying to fight it, because it's just a nightmare, you just want it to be finished," says Sandy. 

"It's almost as though they do it because they can. There's no one there, banging, making enough noise to prompt the changes that are required.

"It's so stressful. I just wanted my dad to be happy."

Feature image: Supplied.