Meh. I’m off to IKEA.
Someone on the radio this morning described this weekend as ‘the biggest day of the year in every Aussie’s calendar’.
And for the fiftieth time this week, I produced the sound that pops out of my mouth every time someone mentions the AFL Grand Final.
It’s not that I hate football. I’m more than happy for people to cheer when the shooters throw a touchdown over the net. Or the kickers flip the ball inside the end zone, or goal the huddle past the pitch post, or whatever the hell happens down there.
I just could not care less. I have checked all my pockets and even down the back of my couch, but nope, I don’t have a single f**k to give.
But you know what the best thing about Grand Final day is? Most people care. (At least, according to this radio station I was listening to, and everyone in my NewsFeed, and the Victorian Government.)
Which means I will have a great day on Saturday. Because for a few wonderful hours while the country watches a bunch of dudes in short-shorts jump the ball into the scrum (or whatever), I will have a blissful afternoon of short queues, quiet roads, and post-apocalypse-style peace.
Eight Things I Will Do Instead Of Watching The Grand Final.
1. Go to IKEA.
It’s Saturday arvo. Where are all the desperate home-builders hogging all the checkout cues? Where are all the annoying children getting stuck inside display cupboards? Where are all the angry customers returning their Klaakenflorgen Wardrobe Systems because half the screws are missing? Oh, wait. I HAVE THE WHOLE PLACE TO MYSELF. And seventy sad employees to help me carry my excessive purchases.
2. Eat a late lunch at a fancy hipster cafe.
Usually I wouldn’t bother joining the two-hour cue for a specialty coffee and organic cronut at The Grounds of Alexandria, but hell yes. Imma walk straight in, thank you very much!