couples

How could you cheat on my friend?

Today you changed from being my friend into being a cliché. From my dear friend's loving husband into a lying cheat. In one fell swoop, you have changed the lives of countless people who loved, liked, trusted and believed in you.

I am one of your wife's pillars. One of the people who is standing beside her right now, guarding her from further pain and protecting her while her heart bleeds. I stand here while she is at her weakest and will stay here until she grows strong again, fortified by the scars you have inflicted upon her soul.

All because you made a poor choice somewhere during the last year or two. That's what makes the difference between an authentic life and an empty one - the choices we make and the paths we take. Wouldn't you agree?

You could have taken the bumpy road, after more than 20 years with the same woman... and stayed with her. Working through whatever problems you may have been having, toughing it out, getting angry, thrashing out your feelings in front of a counsellor and perhaps finding a resolution that suited you both.

But you didn't do that, did you? You misguided, unfortunate fellow... you took the low road. You chose poorly.

You let a lingering gaze between you and another woman lead you up the garden path. Mesmerised by the call of a siren who provided you with a golden chariot to free you from the pressures of work, marriage and three beautiful children. Yes, your children... the ones you sired.

You remember those days, don't you? When you procreated with the woman you made a lifetime commitment to ...

You know how we teach our children about behavioural consequences? How we give them choices, explaining what will happen if they make the right decision vs the 'other' one?

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Perhaps you have forgotten... I think I might remind you with a little preview of the consequences of your actions. Shall I lead you through the path of destruction you have caused, perhaps?

One amazing woman's spirit, crushed
Three children's lives, torn apart
Two families, confused and betrayed
Countless friends, bewildered and dismayed
Colleagues, distrustful and wary

Nobody quite knowing the person you are, compared to the man they thought they knew...

When you walked away from your family, you said there was no-one else, that you just didn't want to be married to her anymore. She spent a month whipping herself raw with the chains of dispair, wondering why her best friend suddenly didn't love her. She hadn't changed. What had?

And then, just as she was emerging from the ashes, holding hands with those closest to her, she found out the truth. She found out about Her. With one click of the mouse, shaking in her hand, you lost her respect and her trust. You lost your friend.

Can you imagine being punched in the stomach by a very significant foe when you are already down, but not quite out?

If only you'd taken another direction when you came to that fork in the road... If only you'd had the strength to stop the wanderlust in its tracks, admitting to a problem in your marriage, working towards something mutually satisfying. Something that didn't rip so many lives apart.

If only you'd behaved like a grownup.

If only...

Caylie Jeffrey blogs at Distractions of A Busy Mother

Have you ever had to deal with adultery in your social circle? How did you handle it? 

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