“I think it’s very intimate, but it depends on the situation and mood whether it’s sexual or not. Sometimes it evokes the most wonderful nurturing feelings and others, it’s like a red hot pool of lava has taken over my body and is bursting to get out.”
This is a woman describing adult breastfeeding.
She is writing in the Adult Nursing Relationships (ANR) forum on FetLife, where users talk about suckling breasts for either sexual satisfaction to create an intimate, nurturing feeling of connection.
When I was asked to write this, my initial reaction was to cringe. Reject the concept. Push it away. I am not alone in this reaction. Even within the kink community, a lot of people aren’t accepting of ANRs.
“A lot of people don’t understand it,” Elfin*, 55 told Rolling Stone. Elfin has been in a relationship with Gavin*, 59, for six years. “It all comes down to one basic premise: your kink is not my kink and that’s OK.”
But the more I read into it, the more my initial reaction seemed unfair, uninformed.
“If you read things about how it’s gross and how only freaks do this, it just goes further to shame people who aren’t grossed out by it,” Chelsea*, 38-year-old woman who is in an ANR with her wife, told Rolling Stone.
Prude and Pornstar: Your number. Post continues below video.
So why do people do it?
There are a few elements here.
For some it’s mostly sexual. Maybe discovered during sex with a woman who is breastfeeding. It might be connected with greater pleasure, a more intense physical connection.
Importantly, there is a huge difference between ANRs and infantalism.
Even though nursing involves a behaviour that’s typically associated with child-rearing, it’s got nothing to do with ‘babying’ or ‘mothering’. It’s about two adults – acting in the context of adulthood – deriving pleasure from an act is that is equally enjoyable for both of them.
“There’s no difference in her role or my role in our relationship; we’re equals,” Chelsea said.