An open letter to the children that I never wanted.
Dear Lillian and Levi,
I never wanted kids. The ideas of sleepless nights and wiping butts, mashed potatoes smeared on the walls and toddler tantrums just didn’t add up to something I felt called to do. Don’t get me wrong — I like kids. Other people’s kids. For a short amount of time. When I was a teenager, I would babysit because kids seemed to like me. I guess I liked them when I was younger. But as I got older, the idea of being a mother didn’t resonate with me. It wasn’t even that I wanted to be some high-powered career woman.
I just didn’t want to be a mum.
Then, one afternoon, after throwing up for the last half of a vacation with Daddy, I took a pregnancy test “just to rule out” the possibility that I was pregnant.
Those two pink lines changed my life forever.
When your Dad came home that night from work, I said, “So I have some good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”
“…the good news…”
“I’m pregnant.”
It turns out that’s not a good way to tell your husband you’re pregnant. I found out later he was freaked out about what the “bad news” was. Was it someone else’s kid? Was there something wrong with the baby? I was just going to give him the same answer regardless of his response. Lillian, don’t do what I did. Levi, if your wife does this to you, love her anyway. She has many other wonderful qualities, even if tact isn’t one of them.
Levi, your story is a bit less dramatic. I was lying in bed when your sister was barely 3 months old, and something inside of me said, “Take a pregnancy test.” Sure enough — two more pink lines. You were born 10 days before your sister’s first birthday. I guess that is a bit dramatic. At least it was for my poor woman parts.
Top Comments
So an imaginary sky fairy plus another adult are higher in the list than the two human beings you personally created and who are utterly and completely innocent, who love you totally and depend on you utterly. Well, at least they made it past coffee.
"I was lying in bed when your sister was barely 3 months old, and something inside of me said, “Take a pregnancy test.” Sure enough — two more pink lines. You were born 10 days before your sister’s first birthday." - This would blow my mind! What an overwhelming thing to happen!
I've met a woman with a similar story - she realised she was pregnant when she felt Baby #2 kick - while she was breastfeeding her almost five month old baby. Wowzers!!