I’m sorry if this letter puts you on the spot. That isn’t my intention. There are about three million thoughts swirling around in my mind, one of which being that this is a conversation we’re never going to have. At least, not one that’ll progress past a few stern looks and mumbled words.
I’m going to begin by letting you know how grateful I am for you. You sacrificed your lives and your homes to give me and my siblings a better chance for life here in Australia. I never took that for granted.
Growing up, it was never really clear to me how you felt about my sexuality. There was always a sense of ambiguity. It was never a matter of you sitting me down and ‘giving me the talk’. Would that have changed things? If we hadn’t brushed it aside, would we be at this point?
When my siblings would lightly joke about how flamboyant I was, you would giggle with them. You watched me sing and flounce around on stage with bright eyes and applause. When my older sisters dressed me up in skirts, you took photos and smiled. Whenever I got my hair cut, Mum, you would wait and gossip with the man who did your nails – every shrill joke he made, you would match with an even shriller laugh.
But whenever a gay couple came on screen during a movie or show, you’d go quiet. You sat idly during church meetings whenever sin and sexuality were discussed. When I asked you if you were ticking ‘yes’ on the letter you received in the mail, I was met with a self-righteous shake of your heads and an evasive ‘no’.
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Timely for me to read this article. I have just spent the weekend with my extended family - 3 generations - and over many glasses of wine, we found ourselves having the discussion about who voted what, and for a family who has no members that this decision directly impacts, we were extremely divided.
My parents have both voted no. In their 70's, they grew up strong in their Catholic faith, they are country folk who have had little exposure to gay and lesbian couples but feel very strongly about traditional marriage between a man and a woman. It doesn't mean they would treat a gay person with any less respect on a one-on-one basis - they are friendly and non-judgemental - just not comfortable with the compromise on their values. My father would be more open minded to those who voted yes if the government had defined exactly what the marriage act would me amended to say. He fears that voting yes is like signing an open cheque. Fair point. My mother felt that she was being bullied into it by the constant propaganda. Her vote of no is more a vote against the process than the outcome. She mentioned that many of her friends have voted no for the same reason. I will admit I have felt exactly the same as my mother since this process started.
Of my generation, my sisters and sisters in-law votes yes. For me, it was a consideration for future generations of my own family - whilst my children aren't gay, there might be grandchildren to consider one day, so I have put my anti the process feelings aside for that and voted yes.
Interestingly, all the males in my family of my generation voted no.
Of the youngest generation only one is of voting age, but the rest are on the cusp and are very strongly opinionated towards a yes vote.
The outcome across the whole family - 50-50.
This makes me so sad but at the same time there is that undeniable sense of positivity towards your parents and I am so very glad you still have that. My children recently discovered their father (my ex) had voted no & they are both horrified. It has definitely made them feel differently towards their dad who they have always loved, adored & respected despite their differing opinions. I have tried to explain exactly what you have said, that he isn’t a bad person, he just has different views but so far nothing I have said has made any difference. Of course they still love him dearly but both are really struggling with his decision to vote no. My eldest has tried to talk to him about it but has come away upset & angry at what he perceives as his father’s irrational & illogical views, my youngest is silently seething & has backed away from spending extra time with her dad as she normally would. It’s all just so sad. #loveislove & despite what is happening now I know my children & their wonderful in almost every way father will get past this as they do share a great bond but I really feel for the ones that won’t. This plebiscite is drawing out what I hope is the inevitable & doing so much damage in the meantime.