If you’re looking for advice about options surrounding fertility, pregnancy or counselling, always consult your doctor.
Dear past me,
Don’t cry. Just don’t cry.
I know it’s hard watching friends announce their baby news when behind closed doors it’s consuming your every thought. They don’t know that every waking minute you’re trawling forums; desperately searching for a magic answer in someone else response. They don’t know that every month you spend a fortune on pregnancy tests, way more than you’d like to admit, trying to convince yourself of something that’s not there. Be happy for them, it’s not their fault those two lines won’t appear for you.
I know when you’re in the midst of trying for a baby it can be hard to see the end of it all. Tests and needles, scans and meds. But trust me on this one. For you, it will be ok.
You have a child. He was a natural conception on the first month of trying. Who knew it was that easy? A second will surely be no trouble, you think, but he’s only eight months old- there’s plenty of time.
The ectopic pregnancy will be a shock. One minute you’ll be on a plane coming home from a holiday, unaware that you’re about to find out the next day that baby number two is already on the way. You will barely be able to wipe the smile off your face.
But that weird pain, is that normal? You will try and ignore it, cramps can be a normal part of early pregnancy but this, this feels different. You’ll go to the doctor who will organise a scan that afternoon. It won’t show anything, so you’ll go home. At about four am the next morning you’ll fall out of bed in a world of agony. Before you know it you will be on the operating table, surrounded by doctors and bright lights, fading into shock as your body succumbs to internal bleeding. When you wake the doctors will break the news that due to a rupture, you have lost all of the left tube.