Dear Kyle and Jackie O,
We need to talk about what you said about me.
An entire segment of your radio show was dedicated to the idea of a ‘period monster’. A monster that, according to you, makes women crazy and is incredibly inconvenient for men. You had a ‘period siren’, which you kept sounding because apparently Jackie O had her period.
This was particularly annoying in peak hour traffic, as I kept checking to see if there was a police car or ambulance attempting to overtake me.
You even started a ‘Period Monster Alert’, where men can enter the first day of their partners last period on your website, and be notified ‘when to be on standby’.
As a period, I feel as though I’m not getting the respect I deserve. I also feel as though you’re using an uncontrollable element of women’s biology to avoid taking them seriously.
Kyle, you discussed your girlfriend’s period, which you call Debbie, and how moody it makes her for three weeks every month.
Following your line of reasoning, this means that your girlfriend’s emotions are illegitimate and dictated by her hormones almost ALL THE TIME.
Jackie O, I expected you to defend your period. After all, it played a role in helping you have your gorgeous daughter, yet you agreed with Kyle’s claims, and laughed, “we don’t know we’re doing it!”
I assume your show gets lots of letters of complaint, given that you are offensive for a living, but I doubt you have ever received a letter from a period. You see, we’re quite busy continuing the human race and playing a vital role in female biology.