We’ve been here before, friends.
Farewelling Offspring, Australia’s most-beloved drama.
Two years ago – and my, it feels like yesterday – ‘they’ took Offspring away from us. And then they brought it back from the dead and its remarkably life-like self has been stumbling around on Channel Ten for weeks. We all reattached. And now, now, it’s going again.
Tonight is the Offspring Season Six finale, and there’s no word on when or if it will ever return.
And with that, our very favourite TV character fades to black.
No, not Nina, who has become, well, kind of insufferable this season, let’s be honest.
It’s Billie Proudman we’ll miss.
Billie Proudman, the scary, feisty, insecure, funny, confident, crazy, selfish, compassionate, caring whirlwind of a woman who is the most interesting Proudman by about 25 miles.
Kat Stewart plays Billie like her she inhabits her tightly-wound soul. Her chemistry with Eddie Perfect as Mick and Asher Keddie as Nina is the great joy of the season, whatever your season.
Who could forget back in Season One when Nina slept with Mick and he wrote Billie a song about how excellent she was, in bed and everywhere else.
Or the time when she was really the only one who could comfort her heavily pregnant sister as she went through the worst moment of her life, losing Patrick.
Or when she finally married Mick and was entirely perfect in every way.
Or this season, where she goes to visit the recruitment agency and is made to feel unworthy, until she remembers she is BILLIE FRICKING PROUDMAN, and they would be lucky to have her.
She has struggled with jealousy, infertility, infidelity (on both sides) and grief. Billie (well, Kat) has taken every soapy storyline you can imagine and robbed it of cliche and cheese.
Billie, we love you.
And whatever happens to you tonight, as you tie up the pretty unsatisfying storyline of your strange obession with helping a teenage mother, it's you we'll miss tomorrow, when Offspring is no more.
Hey, we'll always have this.