For everyone who's intimidated by fancy make-up shops.

I totally missed the boat on glamorous lady primping.

It might be because I’m a wolf, not a poodle.  But it’s probably because when everyone else was reading Cosmo, I was playing sport and eating focaccia and watching Dawson’s Creek.

It was a time before we knew about activated bee pollen and gluten intolerance. A time before Insta filters. A time when glamour meant over-plucked eyebrows and a soft focus, black-and-white shot at Studio 2000.

That hair tho.

These days, though, everyone is speaking an entirely different language of things I don't frickin' understand, and it's getting serious. Napoleon - I assume it's the french military and political leader - is telling people "not to prime is a crime", and I don't think I need that kind of criminal record in my life.

So when I was recently dragged into a temple - let's call it Mac-MeSephoraorea - where women convene and perfume and lather themselves, I felt like a sack of black jellybeans at an I Quit Sugar dinner party.

My Mamamia Podcast co-host, Kate de Brito, feels the same.

Luckily, we had an idea:

There you go.  Can there be a special lane for us in fancy shops? A high-vis vest so the shop assistants are gentle with us? A learner plate?

Because there are wolves out there who don't get it and who will never, ever be poodles.

Mamamia is the podcast with what women are talking about. Subscribe in itunes, or listen to the full episode here:

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