Bridget Monyhan, Tom Brady & Giselle Bundchen
I learnt two new things about sperm this week. The first is that some
men are extremely paranoid about women stealing their sperm. The second
is that other men are extremely keen to give their sperm away.
But let’s kick off with the paranoid guys because gee, they’re fairly
committed to their belief that there’s a rampant group of sperm
stealers out there masquerading as – wait for it – women who want to
have sex with them. Why? So that she can get knocked up and then steal
all his money, of course!
And how are they dealing with this irrational fear? By ripping their
pants off and running to the doctor for a pre-emptive vasectomy in
their twenties and thirties. Believe it, there’s a growing trend for
young single American men to go the snip to protect their DNA.
As with most modern trends, this one appears connected with a
celebrity. In 2006, American football player, Tom Brady, broke up with
his girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan. Soon after, she announced she
was pregnant with his child and he announced he was dating supermodel
Giselle Bundchen. An obscenely good looking mess ensued, played out in
the tabloids. Natch.
Some cynical blokes perceived this situation as an example of ‘man trapping’ – girl meets boy, girl ‘tricks’ boy into getting her pregnant, girl extracts 18 years worth of child support out of boy. But according to US men’s mag, Details, man trapping is now called ‘Ooopsing’. As in ‘Ooops! That must have been a Tic Tac I swallowed, not my birth control pill!”
I’m sure this does occasionally happen but often? Often enough to make you so suspicious of women that you’ll willingly have surgery on your testicles? Some snip-happy men say yes.
“Now I can never have a girl say I made her pregnant,” 23-year-old college student Marcus Whitlock bragged to Details after pretending to a doctor he was 30, forking over US$850 and limping happily away after a 15-minute vasectomy. ”I don’t have to worry about being tricked.”
The magazine also unearthed Tim Vass, “a 34-year-old technical writer in Florida, [who] got snipped in May 2007 after a half-dozen pregnancy scares, including what he says were two attempted oopsings. Both of the latter were one-night stands; he says one woman admitted she didn’t know who the father was and the other demanded a DNA test that proved her wrong.” Now that the safety of his sperm has been secured, Tim reckons sex is “like eating junk food and knowing you’re not going to get fat.”