finance

Admit it. These are the 7 things we all do before payday.

We’ve all been there. It’s Monday, you only have $1.25 to your name and pay day isn’t until Thursday. Your car’s on empty, you’ve ran out of fresh food and you’re currently searching the house for viable toilet paper alternatives.

You’re not worried though – you’ve been here before and you know exactly how to live like a queen until that pay packet hits your bank account (and you’re totally going to start saving as soon as it does). Your more fiscally responsible friends might shake their heads and call you flaky, but you know the lead up to pay day takes a level of creative problem solving skills, resourcefulness and tenacity that even MacGyver would envy.

If you’ve ever had to scrounge around the back of the couch for change for the train, chances are you’ve done at least one of these things before pay day:

  1. You fill up your online shopping cart just to get that sweet, sweet shopping high.
pay day online shopping
'It'll get you through to Thursday. I promise' Image via Netflix.

Obviously you can’t actually treat yoself right now but you know half the fun is loading up your cart with a bunch of stuff you’d never be able to afford anyway. Go on, do it. ASOS doesn’t know you’re skint. Keep adding those oversized scarfs and chambray shirts to your cart, watching it time out and then adding them again. It’ll get you through to Thursday, I promise.

  1. You go to the self-service checkout to withdraw cash.

Those pesky ATMS and their minimal withdrawal limits! Never mind, you know you can self-serve yourself the $8.50 you need for that schnitzel special at your local pub.

Listen: The Barefoot Investor, Scott Pape, sits down with Mia Freedman to share every gem of advice he has. Post continues after audio. 

  1. You know exactly how far you can drive after the low fuel warning light comes on.
'Forty FREE kilometres of driving!' Image via Universal Pictures.
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My dad once told me that I could drive forty kilometres once the low fuel warning light came on in my Toyota Camry. I was at uni at the time and all I heard was ‘forty FREE kilometres of driving!’ I was also very skilled at putting my car in neutral at the traffic lights and while driving down hills. I’m pretty sure I’ve saved billions from doing this and single-handedly brought down the world economy and increased global oil prices.

  1. Your card gets declined at the supermarket and you make up an imaginary husband who’s always transferring money between accounts.
pay day shopping
'As a seasoned insufficient fundser, you know the trick here is to shift the blame onto someone else.' Image via Universal Pictures.

There’s nothing more embarrassing than the look of pity from the checkout boy when you’ve got insufficient funds and you have to walk away from the supermarket without that family size block of chocolate and wheel of brie.

Watch Libby and Kochie share some tips for, you know, actually managing your money (haha but seriously help me.) Post continues after video. 

But as a seasoned insufficient fundser, you know the trick here is to shift the blame onto someone else. Brian, your useless (and imaginary) husband who’s always gambling online behind your back; that bank that’s obviously having some kind of system crash just when you need to make an important purchase.  You walk away with your head held high and reassurances that you’ll be back for your basket of goodies as soon as you sort out this inconvenient, totally-not-your-fault situation.

  1. You channel your inner reality TV contestant in the kitchen and whip up an amazing feed with some mystery ingredients.
pay day cooking
Hannah getting creative in the kitchen. Image via HBO.
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You’ve seen the MasterChef mystery box challenge and know that it’s really easy to create a culinary masterpiece with a few simple ingredients. You might not have any smoked salmon, freekeh or gouda but you’ve got some suspicious looking zucchinis, a slightly mouldy tub of sour cream and a tin of John West tuna circa 2008. Perfect.

  1. All your toiletries run out of the same time and you have to start using shampoo as body wash.

When your shower supplies start to get low you know exactly how to supplement one thing for another in your morning routine. It’s all just soap in the end, right? RIGHT? And let’s face it, keeping the shampoo consumption up with the conditioner consumption is hard bloody work if you don’t sub in some additional shampoo for body wash usage.

  1. You know to NEVER answer calls from a private number.
pay day phone calls
'Private numbers are only ever after one thing – your money.' Image via Comedy Central.

No good can ever come from answering private calls in the lead up to pay day. Private numbers are only ever after one thing – your money. Money that you don’t have yet. Money to pay all those bills you’ve been avoiding for weeks now. Money that you’re just going to spend online as soon as it hits your bank account.

And then payday comes and that promise you made to yourself to start saving, disappears faster than you at the checkout when you have insufficient funds.

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