lifestyle

Noticed lots of friends having babies recently? Blame Mr Grey.

The theory is pretty simple.

Woman reads sexy book called 50 Shades of Grey. Woman arches eyebrow at husband. Woman leads husband to distinctly suburban bedroom and has distinctly non-BDSM-style-sex with distinctly un-Christian-Grey-looking husband. A baby is made.

Proving that reading is not dead — quite the opposite, it would seem — author E.L. James gave the literary world a VERY lusty shakeup with her 50 Shades of Grey franchise… and the VERY literal response that ensued.

Indeed, statistics in the UK have emerged proving a fairly ick finding: there has been a real life baby boom trend following the 50 Shades of Grey books and movie.

christian grey 50 shades
Hello there…

The first book launched in 2011. It took a few months, however, for the giggled whispers of the book club ladies to become a full-blown roar of horny middle aged women and the book’s true popularity only hit its stride towards the end of 2011. At the height of its popularity, there was a copy of the book being sold every second.

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By that stage, the cult of Steele-Grey fanatics were frothing at the mouth for more — and before long their hunger was satisfied.

In 2012, the second and third books in the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy were released. It was at this point that the wily eyes of The Evening Standard were the first to acknowledge that we should prepare for an influx of Christian Grey-fathered children.

And when the Hollywood blockbuster starring Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan graced our movie screens in February of 2015, a whole new groundswell of swelling bellies blossomed, with The Sun noting:

“Between April and July sales of maternity jeans were more than double that of 2014, and remained in the Top 10 searched items on the George website.

Now, nine months after the film hit cinemas, newborn nappies are flying off the shelves — with 20 per cent more multipacks sold last week versus any seven-day period in October.”

February release date + 40 weeks = lots of babies in late November.

And now, in November of 2015, we are sitting pretty at exactly nine months after the movie’s release in February. People, this is not a drill. The Grey Babies are comin’.

Imagine the Daddy issues these kids are going to have when they are older. Who is their real father? The guy in all the family photos, or the guy in between the pages of E L James’ imagination?

Maybe we will stop celebrating our birthdays and start celebrating our Day Of Conception instead. “Happy 50 Shades Of Grey Day everyone!” February 12 will be announced a public holiday in Australia, as we all flock to movie theatres for a commemorative screening of the film. Aw, how nice. Mum, Dad, and some fluffy handcuffs.

I’m going to finish by saying this: it’s a slippery slope once we begin analysing the events that led our parents to bed, thus creating our wonderful selves.

I say leave those details between the sheets… or the pages of a book.

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