fashion

The biggest plastic surgery trend of 2017 has been revealed. And it's a weird one.

We’ve got bad news. Just as 2016 took away our thighs, our boobs, and introduced us the the truly horrifying trend that was side vag, 2017 is coming for our nipples.

Yep, just when you’ve mastered your new thigh gap/side vag/zero cleavage look, your nips are in danger of extinction.

Unlike that Mental as Anything song from the 70s, in 2017 the nips are getting smaller.

In the weird new trend, created by people with too much money and not enough real problems, women are lining up to get their nipples surgically reduced.

I repeat. THEY ARE GETTING THEIR NIPPLES SURGICALLY REDUCED.

In December last year, The Plastic Surgery Group, a collective of British plastic surgery associations, released a statement about the emerging trend.

“We have seen a 30 per cent rise in women requesting a smaller nipple size in the last year,” said consultant plastic surgeon Dan Marsh.

“This is tied into the trend towards smaller breast augmentation sizes.”

You’ll remember that in late 2016 Vogue announced that cleavage was ‘over’, and big-breasted women all over the world, removed their boobs and hid them at the back of their wardrobes? Well it turns out that was just a pointless activity as our huge hideous nipples are still ruining our chances of creating the perfect body.

“During breast surgery to lift or reduce the breast the nipple is repositioned. This requires an incision around the nipple and gives the patient an opportunity to resize her nipple. We have always asked our patients to choose the size of their nipple during surgery rather than using a standard template,” Marsh explains.

Not anymore! Image via HBO.
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And according to The Plastic Surgery Group, the new fashionable body look, is "the ultra-toned, shredded athletic type...". And apparently athletes don't have nipples?

In this piece for The Guardian, Eva Wiseman describes the new fashionable nipples as 'Smartie-like'.

"Like a snazzy tie compliments a suit, or a simple up-do sets off your massive diamond necklace, little Smartie-like nipples will make your muscles sing.'"

So before the nipples go the way of the flip phone and your local Blockbuster store, let's take a minute to remember all the useful things nipples have done for us throughout history.

They've helped us feed babies. They've alerted us when it's cold outside. They've made sure we always have somewhere to hang our keys.

Let's just hope that when big nipples do come back into style, Revlon invents a nipple pencil, so anyone who has forked out their hard-earned cash to get their nipples reduced, can just fill them back in again.

So people, go forth into 2017 clutching your nipples, and hope that they make it through the year in tact.

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