1. There will be some of your child’s books that really piss you off. These are guaranteed to be the ones your kid wants you to read EVERY NIGHT. This will almost kill you. (See point 7).
2. Having children does not make you a morning person. My whole life, I have never been good in the morning. Those I’ve loved and lived with have always known this and adapted their lives accordingly so as to avoid any form of interaction with me lest I punch them in the face. I assumed this would change when I HAD to get up at dawn’s crack and be a parent. It didn’t. Unfortunately (for them) my children do not have the option of avoiding me in the morning. Especially when they require breakfast from my boobs. Urgently. After more than a decade, I’m still fairly unhappy about having to wake up so early every single morning of my life even on weekends even public holidays even when on vacation, OKAY? But I’ve learned to stop growling and suck it up.
3. There will be some of your child’s clothes that you loathe. These items will have been given to them as gifts by people with no taste and are guaranteed to be your child’s favourite things to wear. Every. Single. Day. Make them disappear.
4. Friends, relatives and shopkeepers will give your child treats, making it impossible to control their sugar intake. At Easter time? Leave the country.
What It Means To Give Birth On Country
The Delivery Room
Top Comments
Things I wish I'd known:
(Background - there is a 10yr gap between my eldest daughter, and my youngest 2. My youngest 2 are twins).
To hospital staff:
Midwives/nursing staff will abandon you "because you've done this before". Yes, I did. 10 years ago. With one (now I've got 2). I felt abandoned and clueless then, and now, even more so.
Yes, you will teach my partner how to bath/wash/change a baby. He wants to learn. You will not roll your eyes/give unhelpful bitchy advice/assume that Mummy wants to do it all herself. This Mummy does not.
No, you will not abandon me to the challenge of breast feeding twins with the comment "You'll figure it out". I do remember that's what you told me last time - and I developed mastitis. Just like I did this time.
It is not good enough that you try and kick me out of hospital after 2 days, with twins and a weeping C wound, promising lots of lovely at-home help. I was very excited by this, right up until the point when you realised where I live, and point out that this service doesn't apply where I live (because I'm not in your "hospital catchment area") Translation - get out of our bed, we don't give a shit, you're on your own.
To strangers in the street:
Yes, we have twins. One's a boy, and one's a girl. No, they are not identical. No, they are definitely not identical. No, really. You see, to be identical, they have to be EXACTLY THE SAME!! And one's a BOY, and the other's a GIRL!!! (be prepared to repeat, several times a day).
No, I don't want your advice on child-raising/why my baby is crying/etc.
No, I don't want to share with you intimate details of the conception/pregnancy/birth. That's none of your business.
No, I don't want to hear your stories of your conception/pregnancy/birth. That's none of my business, and I don't want to know. No, really, I don't.
To New parents:
Lots of family & friends will want to cuddle your baby, while your baby is clean, smelling amazing, in gorgeous clothes, and happy & smiley (or asleep). In the middle of the day. While you are serving brewed coffee, and home-made cakes. Nobody (apart from a saint) will want to know at 2am. When the baby has woken up for the umpteenth time. Nobody (apart from a saint) will want to know the next day, when yesterday's dishes from yesterday's visitors are still piled in the sink, you are wearing the clothes from the day before yesterday, and your baby has vomited or pooed, or both. When this happens, they will not (generally) offer to help. They will leave, and discuss later, in worried tones, how you are not coping. Note, do not expect these people to offer to come mop the floor/wash the dishes/mind your baby in another location so you can sleep.
Be aware that children are the masters of manipulation to get exactly what they want. It's in their genes. I know it's a pain, but try really, really hard get out of bed, feed & settle your baby in their own cot/bed, and then go back to your bed. Babies & children do not understand the concept of ""just this once". Allow a child into your bed, and prepare yourself for the next 10 years of broken sleep. PS: Also, set an age appropriate bedtime, and stick to it. Every night. Rigidly. You need this to happen, and it will not happen by magic. It will take approximately 2 years - looking forward, two years seems like a long time. But look back, and see how quick 2 years go by. (I recently attended an evening function, in a private home, where - at 10pm - some of the guests had to sit on the floor because Miss 4yo Princess wanted to sleep on the couch. Miss 4yo then told us to be quiet because she couldn't get to sleep. I left.)
Which brings me to my final point - never take parenting advice from anyone who has children, but you don't like the way their children behave. (Also, I choose not to take parenting advice from anyone with a badly trained dog. I figure if they can't teach a pet how to behave, then their kids are going to be brats as well).
oh God yes, I had a twin brother and even when I applied for a passport at the post office, the woman tried to tell me I'd need to bring my brother in with a photo because we were twins. I'm FEMALE. I had to speak to her supervisor.
I don't have kids - ask me again about all of the above in 3 months time... HOWEVER, I do believe in all of above being pretty much spot on... My mother is particularly keen to see how I deal with when I'm on the plane and the screaming child everyone is giving greasys (I have been known to give a few) is mine - EEK! WATCH THIS SPACE! (Hubby & I would love a dvd if you have a spare! ;)