Yeah, I knew that breast feeding might be tough. I read that I might get post-natal depression. I knew not to expect a lot of sleep. What I DIDN’T know about this whole motherhood thing? The details. There were many many details everyone neglected to mention. So after three children and many surprising discoveries here’s some fine print for the parents of the future…..
1. There will be some of your child’s books that really piss you off. These are guaranteed to be the ones your kid wants you to read EVERY NIGHT. This will almost kill you. (See point 7).
2. Having children does not make you a morning person. My whole life, I have never been good in the morning. Those I’ve loved and lived with have always known this and adapted their lives accordingly so as to avoid any form of interaction with me lest I punch them in the face. I assumed this would change when I HAD to get up at dawn’s crack and be a parent. It didn’t. Unfortunately (for them) my children do not have the option of avoiding me in the morning. Especially when they require breakfast from my boobs. Urgently. After more than a decade, I’m still fairly unhappy about having to wake up so early every single morning of my life even on weekends even public holidays even when on vacation, OKAY? But I’ve learned to stop growling and suck it up.