My little family and I were recently at a family BBQ and it had been so long since we’ve seen my partner’s extended family, we were really enjoying ourselves in everyone’s company. But there was one thing I kept hearing that got tedious with me real fast.

I received comments saying, “You look skinnier/smaller/slimmer. You are almost back to your old (pre-baby) size”, and variations of such. I politely responded with a smile and a ‘thank you’ because I know it’s coming from a good place and they mean well. People wanted to ask about me and not ask about my baby because they care. I get it. But why did it have to be about my size or weight or lack thereof?

There are many things you can say to a mum (and not just new mums, all mums) that are not about her weight or her baby.

If you want to be helpful.

This is most applicable to mums with very small babies, be it her first one or not, but it’s still applicable to all mums too. In fact, if you really want to be helpful just go ahead anddothings for her, because she’s probably going to feel guilty asking for any sort of help from anyone. But if you want to be polite and ask her, just position the question to get a simple yes or no answer (don’t leave it open-ended).

Think about her wellbeing.

People genuinely want to know how she's doing but she'll often give the standard answer 'I'm good thanks, and you?'. Don't settle for this. You also shouldn't straight up ask if she’s tired orthat she looks tired (yes, people do that). Of course she is. Be genuine about her wellbeing or make her feel better.

LISTEN: Should women stop the post-baby bikini shots?

Allow her a chance to just talk, about anything.

It doesn't always have to be about helping her or her wellbeing. Sometimes she just needs to have adult conversations.

Empathise with her.

OK, this one does somewhat speak a little about her kids but it's a goodie. Instead of asking her questions, you remove the shame and go straight to the mutual strife all mums experience.

What's the most annoying comment you've received after having a baby? Tell us in the comments below.