THE ICE QUEEN HATH MELTED.
Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice, aka Queen Of The Furious Pout has teamed up with Vogue to write a letter to her 18-year-old self.
And do you know what? It’s actually really sweet. And funny.
(Yes, you read that correctly: Victoria Beckham is being sweet and funny.)
In a feature-length article framed as a letter to her younger self, we see a candid side to Victoria Beckham that we don’t see that often. She addresses everything from her early days as a Spice Girl to her marriage to footballer David Beckham, and is surprisingly down-to-earth about her 20+ years in the spotlight.
Here are our favourite moments.
On being bullied...
Beckham begins her letter to the 18-year-old Victoria Adams, a plump and overwhelmed student at the Laine Theatre Arts College. She describes her younger self as someone who 'never fit in'.
"Do you recall that first day at secondary school?" she asks.
"Most children were wearing their own coats and had the latest cool bag, but not you. Kitted out in the full St Mary’s High School uniform, you stood in the freezing playground while other teenagers walking past threw soggy tissues and old Coke cans that they plucked from the puddles."
This, however, was what Beckham says set her up for success:
"But the thick skin that you developed then is already standing you in good stead, and it will do so for the rest of your life."
On self confidence...
From fake boobs to fake tan to fake bottle blonde, there's little Victoria Beckham hasn't tried when it comes to altering her looks.
But in her letter, Beckham hints that she could have toned it down a little... even referencing the breast implants that she famously denied for years.
"I should probably say, don’t mess with your boobs," she says.
"All those years I denied it – stupid. A sign of insecurity. Just celebrate what you’ve got."
She also urges her younger self to opt for a more natural look, as opposed to all-fake-everything.
"Instead, learn to embrace your imperfections – that is what I want to tell you. Let your skin breathe; wear less make-up. (And don’t ever let that make-up artist shave your eyebrows! The effects last forever.)"
On the Spice Years...
Did you know Beckham sung 'Mein Herr' from the musical Cabaret in her audition for The Spice Girls? Nope, us neither. (You can view the footage of that here - highly recommended...)
And there's more revealed in Beckham's letter as she recounts her exhilarating catapult into superstardom.
"The judges of the competition will match you to four other girls, all misfits in their own ways. Together you will make it OK to look different. And, as the Spice Girls, you will sell 75 million records."
Now in her 40s, Beckham regrets not documenting the wild ride in more detail.
"But please, I implore you, keep a diary," she says. "There will be so many amazing moments, and you will forget."
On her fashion...
One of the best parts of the letter is Beckham's review of her, um, questionable fashion moments throughout the years.
"You are going to have so much fun with your clothes – PVC catsuits; chokers that say absurd things; weird spiky blonde hair. It will never occur to you that you appear ridiculous. You will turn up at awards ceremonies resembling a drag queen. But I look back at you and smile," she writes.
But it's not without a wry tip for the older years:
"You will learn, as you mature, to swap heels for Stan Smith trainers, minidresses for crisp white shirts."
Oh, and her ever-present sunglasses - "Wear sunglasses a lot. Even inside. Especially at airports. They turn a nothing-outfit into something quite pulled together and cool."
On husband David...
In a rare insight to her 18-year marriage to husband David Beckham, Victoria spills all on their first meeting.
"Love at first sight does exist," she says. "It will happen to you in the Manchester United players’ lounge – although you will get a little drunk, so exact details are hazy."
Beckham remembers their first few dates taking place in a carpark, of all places.
"I’m afraid that most of your first dates will be in car parks, which is not as seedy as it sounds. It is because your manager, Simon Fuller, will warn you, “Don’t let anyone see you out together or you’ll get hounded.” At the time, you won’t understand why."
And their marriage...
While we're fairly sure Victoria Beckham has never slobbed about in a tracksuit in her life, she's firm in her advice to keep up appearances for husband David.
"On marriage: have patience. Bite your tongue. Be supportive. And preserve a bit of mystique. Never let yourself go completely (at least brush your hair, clean your teeth, have a bit of a brow going on because you will always want him to look at you and feel attracted). Always make time for each other. Because if you don’t, everything will revolve around the children and I’m not sure how sexy that is!"
She also tackles the affair rumours head-on, calling it a 'horribly difficult' time.
"Even when you don’t necessarily want the same thing, your support for each other will mean that you will stick together and grow up together. And it will be worth it."
On having kids...
Now a mother of four, Victoria Beckham always appears to be gliding gracefully through parenthood without so much as a lost dummy or spew stain on her shirt.
Not so, she says: "Children mean that you will be constantly tired and will develop big bags under your eyes."
As well as a fairly hilarious tip for her mothering years that are to lie ahead...
"A word on school sports day: never wear platform heels and flares if you have to take part in the mothers’ race. And never believe another mum when she says she will stick with you at the back of the race. Because she won’t."
And still pinching herself...
After a mammoth career that's spanned a pop career, motherhood, and fashion design fame, Beckham still does not take it all for granted.
"Most days, you will look at your life and think, 'Wow! I was never the one who was supposed to get all this.' I want to tell you that I still feel that way now," she says.
"Recently I was in New York for the British Vogue cover shoot in a penthouse at the Carlyle hotel. I looked out of the window and I could see the sun shining and all the yellow cabs below and I pinched myself. You are going to have many of those moments. Don’t take them for granted."
We love you, Posh Spice.
You can read the full letter at Vogue online, here.
Victoria Beckham's evolution of hairstyles.