We present, without comment: People who have slept with rock stars.

And some of them? Not so good. Well, most of them, actually.

Reddit, that terrifying online abomination respected online forum, has posed a question that has resulted in some salacious, skin-crawling, sordid – and completely baseless – stories from unfortunate women who allegedly did the dirty with rock stars.

“Girls who have slept with rock stars; How was it? What was you (sic) perception of the person afterwards? What did your friends and family think (if you told them)? etc,” is the eloquent question posted on Ask Reddit.

Herewith, a collection of the highlights, to be taken with a grain of salt (or a scalding hot, purifying shower).

Lil Wayne, whose ‘Money Over Bitches’ tatt should have been a warning, allegedly slept with a college girl in his tour bus after a show in Washington, DC. Following the no doubt tender loving, he threw a $100 bill at the girl and kicked her off the bus. Charming.

Proving he might not believe your body’s the wonderland he claims, John Mayer did allegedly stay true to other lyrics in the song – “I’ll use my hands.”

“A girl I knew in college ‘slept’ with John Mayer after the Concert for Virginia Tech. I say ‘slept’ because he had her lie on the bed, then he jacked off on her. Then he just left.”

Jack White, on the other hand, is said to be a generous lover, handing over signed paraphernalia items post-coitus.

One poor girl slept with LMFAO and all she got was a lousy t-shirt.

“A girl in my city fucked LMFAO…yes both of them…” Newsflash, people: LMFAO are UNCLE and NEPHEW. EW.

“She said she wokeup (sic) with a free t-shirt and they had paid for her breakfast.”

That’s… nice?

And then there’s this woman, who is repping for the Aussies and lucky she didn’t get knocked out by a giant clock pendant.

“Ok not even a throwaway… I fucked Flavor Flav in a seedy toilet room out the back of the ANU Refectory Bar in 1998,” she alleges. “I’m not proud. I try not to tell people. But on the bright side, I didn’t get gonorrhoea.”

Dave Matthews, who according to one redditor has “nailed every man, woman, animal, vegetable and mineral with a bed and available orifice,” came in for several reviews from secondhand sources.

“I have a trustworthy friend who hooked up with Dave Matthews in the 90s,” the redditor claims. “He started talking about scat play and she noped on out of there.”

And of course, there’s noted underwear model Justin Bieber, who has allegedly been forcing smitten girls to listen to him SING.

“Summer of 2013 my friends and I met Justin Bieber at Muzik Nightclub in Toronto. One of my friends ended up leaving with Justin,” writes yet another second-hand source.

“There was like 5 girls there and they made them all sign contracts and took away their cellphones. He referred to himself as JB and made everyone sit around and listen to him sing for like an hour while he continuously smoked a shit ton of weed.”

Read more: Justin Bieber is an even bigger arrogant brat than you thought.

Another lady reckons Bieber’s um… beeb is “average” sized and that he’s “super-lazy in bed.”

So on that note, dear readers, it’s over to you.

Has Justin made you beliebe? Is Daniel Johns indeed a freak of nature?

Did Anthony Kiedis suck your kiss?

OK, we’re done.