I don’t think I know very much about sex. At least, according to pop culture, everything IthinkI know about sex is very, very wrong.

I’ve never been more acutely aware of my ignorance than while watching Fifty Shades Darker.

The things Ana and Christian do, and the way their intimate relationship plays out, looks nothing like anything I’ve ever encountered in my personal life. Some might say that’s a good thing, given that their relationship is a) fictional, b) kinda problematic, and c) awkward AF. But when I debriefed with other members of theMamamiateam about the

traumatic

experience of watching the film, we all agreed there were some important takeaways, and we should be taking them veryseriously,because it’s amovie,and movies are always full of importantlessons.

Here are 18 thingsFifty Shades Darkertaught us about sex, in no particular order.

Ahem.

Four brave members of the Mamamia Team recap Fifty Shades Darker, on The Recap. (Post continues after audio).

"I'm sorry about your crash. Maybe... sex will help?" Image via Universal.

And that's just the lessons about sex.Fifty Shades Darkeralso teaches us a lot about relationships in general, like if someone hits on you at work, your partnerwillbuy the business.

But I think the main thing we can all deduce from this cinematic masterpiece is that relationships aren't abouttalking,they're aboutsexing.

And literally all of us are doing it wrong.