An honest 'Facebook Year In Review'. The truth hurts.

C’mon Facebook. Cut the crap.

Every year, the book of Faces releases a new way to review your exciting year of social media. Click on the button, and TA-DA! Here are ten photos from the year! Don’t like them? That’s fine, you can edit the selection anyway, so that even though the algorithm chose ten of the 200 photos you posted of your cat, you can at least pretend you have a life.

My Year in Review was STUNNING. You are right, Facebook! That selfie I took with some random puppy was a huge life event! That photo of me drinking an espresso martini should go down in history as special, dammit!

Apologies to all the new VIPs I welcomed into my life this year, but you were insignificant compared to a photo I took of bacon. Delicious, photogenic bacon.

Let’s be honest. The Year in Review does not reallllllly reflect your year at all. Maybe it chooses a couple of good highlights, mixed in with a few crappy selfies. No matter what, it’s a curated version of your 2015, and it’s far from the truth.

No one puts the truth on Facebook, because the truth is dull. The truth would look something like this.

An Honest Year in Review.

1. I spent approximately 224 hours watching Netflix. For about 220 of those hours, I was not wearing pants.

2. I lost a good week of my life stuck in traffic.

3. Some of my dinners were instagram-worthy. Most of them were toast and/or stale sakatas.

New oven works well. I think the muffins are cooked. #paleorocks

A video posted by @lucygransbury on Mar 3, 2015 at 3:35pm PST

4. I went to a few parties, but usually couldn’t wait to get home and lie on the couch.

5. I painted my nails and messed them up often.

6. I had three good hair days, and 362 average ones. I didn’t post most of the average ones on social media, except this one:

7. I didn’t go to any music festivals. And I suspect that the people who did go had less fun than their photos would have me believe.

8. Lots of days and nights were completely un-memorable. But I don’t see that as a bad thing.

Facebook is an album of lies. ‘A Review Of The Times You Had Good Lighting And Filters’ would be a more appropriate title.

The best moments of the year were the ones I didn’t wreck by whipping out my phone. And the hair days that made me feel good, even without a selfie. And the quiet nights on the couch watching House Of Cards with my man. And the regular giggles in my happy office place. And phone calls to my family. All those moments added up to a year that was pretty damn good, big and little memories tucked safely away inside my head.

Take that, Facebook. You don’t know me.