“No matter how difficult it may seem at the time, put them to sleep in their own crib and avoid the greatest pain that one can experience in life–the pain that we are now experiencing.”

It is heartbreaking to read.

A mother’s words so raw you can’t help but catch your breath.

A personal story so close for so many of us that you are left with disbelief.

How can this happen? I did this. I remember. There but for the grace of god.

Young mother Angela Bono, from Grand Rapids, Michigan in the US thought she was doing everything right with her baby boy Everett.

Angela and Everett (Facebook)

In May her partner, Ryan Carmody came home to find her asleep with their five-month old baby in their bed.

She writes on Facebook “We didn’t think an accident could ever happen to us, until the night Ryan came home to Everett and I sleeping together and Everett not breathing. As soon as he woke me up, I immediately started CPR, and we called 911. But it was too late. We had lost him. “

At five months old Everett had died after co-sleeping with his mother – a practise they thought they were doing safely.

She has made a plea through Facebook asking for other parents not to make the same mistake she did. A plea so other families don’t go through the heartache she has.

“Anyone with infants, don’t put them in the bed with you. So many things can happen accidentally, and like I said, we never thought it would happen to us. Now, I’ve lost the love of my life. My angel. My baby boy. We have to get the word out so more people understand that it can happen to them. It does happen. It does happen a lot. As much as you love to snuggle and cuddle your little one, please resist the temptation to do so in bed. No matter how difficult it may seem at the time, put them to sleep in their own crib and avoid the greatest pain that one can experience in life–the pain that we are now experiencing.”

I’ve lost the love of my life. My angel. My baby boy. ( Facebook)

It is a controversial topic fraught with emotions on both sides of the debate.

In Australia 80% of parents admit to co-sleeping with their babies at some time in the first 6 months of life.

Various studies have examined deaths related to co-sleeping but one of the biggest, a study in 2013 from Birmingham City University examined 1,500 cases of SIDS. It revealed that an estimated 88 per cent of deaths that occurred while a child slept with their parents would not have happened if the baby had not been bed-sharing.

Tragically experts say that in the desperately sad case of baby Everett if he had not been co-sleeping he may be alive today.

Angela Bono and Ryan Carmody (Facebook)

His mother, Angela wants to spread the word – co-sleeping can kill. She wants his death to be remembered.

Her post in full:

Already her post has touched others. One mother writing on Facebook:

“Angela, I lived in the same dorm as Ryan our freshman year of college. I’ve seen your posts pop up on my newsfeed and it has broken my heart as I just had a baby 3 months ago. We have gotten into the habit of letting her cuddle in our bed some mornings, which sometimes leads to a cat nap for both of us. After reading this I will be sure that doesn’t happen anymore. Thank you for your post, you are such a strong and courageous mama “

There is no judgement here for Angela and Ryan. No wish to stir up a for and against debate pitting mothers against each other.

I have three children, and with each of them, at times, I have co-slept.

Often by accident, when you fall asleep with that to-the-bone- ache of exhaustion or nodding off while breastfeeding, and at other times deliberately – when they have been sick, or scared.

It’s not a black and white thing. While some are vehemently against it as a “parenting method” and others choose it a way of staying attached to their children, for many it’s just one of a patchwork of parenting ways you muddle through.

Baby Everett.

For many women, me included its often not a chosen path of events but a last ditch attempt at getting just a few hours sleep with a flailing baby.

At times I have woken cold and guilty with the realisation that I had drifted off feeding my baby.

At other times I had sunk into a deliberate daze of sleep-driven oblivion knowing full well that my feisty son was just centimetres away, safe, I thought, fast asleep and I, too terrified to stir him for fear he would start howling again curled up around him warding off the night.

The purpose of sharing this mother’s tragic post isn’t to make others feel judged by their choices or actions.

Truth be told most mothers I know just want to support other women – not criticise them or condemn them – the purpose of sharing this is to raise awareness that it can happen – and that if parents do choose to co-sleep they need to know that it contains risks – deaths like that of beautiful baby Everett – but if they do choose it then they need to ensure they do it safely.

Parenting is about making the safest, best possible choice that you can for your child and it is with that in mind that we share this.

For more:

The common cooking ingredient that stole a little boy’s life.

Before you condemn the mum whose toddlers were found walking alone at night.