Zoe Foster's Oscars report card.

(*Scroll to the bottom of the post for a special Zoe-captioned gallery…)

CWA Scone competition notwithstanding, the Academy Awards are probably one of the most anticipated style events of the calendar year.  After all, where else will you see (some might say too much of) A. Jolie’s muscular upper thigh and B. Pitt’s fresh highlights and watch as G. Paltrow finally reveals her superhero alter ego? Nowhere, is where.

Because I am a beauty writer, I always allow myself to take the morning off from tootin’ round on Tumblr and Pinterest and playing nail paintys to study (and livetweet) the Oscars red carpet, and suss out what The Celebrities are doing in hair and makeup and style, so that the next time I whip out a couture gown for an international film ceremony awards night, I don’t make a dingus of myself.

Ha ha ha! As if. Obviously I would just wear my Year 10 formal dress like I always do.

No, I do this so that I can string together what the Big Trends are, and point out what looks fantastic, and sadly, what does not look fantastic, because sometimes pointing that out can be more meaningful that just saying everyone looked fantastic and let’s all break for a cuppa and a row of Top Deck.

That said, “what looks good” is as subjective as choosing your favourite fruit or musician, so for the love of lace, feel free to ignore me. But also feel free to not ignore me, because I am sensitive and may drop a few salty ones.

Certainly the big trends for fashion were long-sleeves and slinky gowns boasting all-over beading and sparkles (B, Bejo, J. Lopez, M Streep, L. Roe); it was all deliciously old Hollywood, really.

There was also a fair wallop of metallic and sequins: be that all out gold (S. Kiebler; M. Streep), or top-to-toe sequins in red (J. Seymour) or bronze (E. Kemper) or black (R Byrne; A. Faris).

Red was popular (N. Portman, E. Stone, M. Williams… almost) but, without a kiss of doubt, it was a night of black and white, which a little bit boring (because I will always favour colour) but exciting, because EVERYONE looks good in either black or white, so we all get to play along.

As for beauty? It was all so very C L A S S I C.  In fact, I could probably break it down to these looks:

Red lips and immaculate brows (R. Mara; A. Jolie, M Jovovich)

– full, high-set chignons and winged liner (T. Fey, J. Lopez)

– subtle accents of gold and bronze on the eyes with nude lips (G. Paltrow, S. Bullock, P. Cruz, S. Woodley, K. Wiig, J. Chastain)

– crimson-pink lips with defined eyes (C. Diaz, M. Williams, N. Portman, M. Rudolph) and

– ponytails (low and loose or high and taut).

For a bit of fun, I thought I would do a running (means I can skip the gym later) commentary of a red carpet gallery, so how about I stop waffling and using excessive brackets and get on with it.

And here’s the full gallery of red carpet arrivals. You can read the full Oscars post (plus see after party pics) here.