BY ZOE FOSTER
While it’s safe to say everyone reading this pretty much looks absolutely perfect all of the time, even when they’ve just woken up, or just been the recipient of an atomic hangover, or just finished rescuing some small mud bears (they exist, look it up), sometimes, SOMETIMES we slip up and drop our incredibly shiny and perfect glossy veneer.
And so, even though this post is probably entirely irrelevant, I thought I would list some of these, and the appropriate fix. I wouldn’t even bother reading it, if I were you! What a perfectly good waste of time.
1. You have that white gunk at the corners of your mouth, and you are turning people off their food without even knowing it.
This is not only one of my Nails on a Chalkboard thingies, (the visual version) but also one of my biggest Vanity Fears, right up there with skirt-tucked-into-knickers, or boogers-in-nose. I know that sounds irrational, but it’s my kryptonite. I cannot talk to someone who has a build up of… stuff (spit and lip product) at the corners of their mouth, and pray I never force such visual horror onto others. It’s tricky, though, because say, during an event, if I am wearing a lot of lip product and talking a lot (and that’s when it happens: when you talk a lot with no drinking or eating or freshening up) I can’t very well stop and scrape the corners of my mouth, can I? No. Not really. Shittin’ hell I wish I could, though.
So, here’s what I’ve arrived at, solution-wise. Keep the corners dry. Use a stain, matte lip pencil or “texta” style pen to get full colour all over the lips, but avoid using creamy lipsticks or glosses in the outer third of your lips. Instead, just dab a touch of that stuff in the centre third of your lips, for shine and excitement. This should keep things white-gunk free. SHOULD. I’d open wide and scrape the nails of your thumb and index finger around the outer sides of the lips every now and again just in case.
2. You have definitely got too much blush or bronzer on and your cheeks look extremely pink, or overly orange and muddy, or more glittery than a K. Perry dress.
This one is easy. Just take a foundation brush and lightly paint some liquid foundation over the offending area, which will tone it down without removing all the colour. (M.A.C. Face and Body is perfect for this.) Or, take some mineral powder and buff some over the top, just until you have muted the brightness or shimmer, or tempered the muddiness. You shouldn’t (“won’t be needing to”) add any more cheek product, thank you very much.
3. It’s late in the day and you have a very crinkly, dry eye area, but there is no skin care in sight.