While it has been statistically proven that every single person reading this post is incredibly attractive, intelligent, generous, thoughtful, artistic, witty and terrific at singing Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start The Fire, sometimes we mess up our makeup, or our hair, or our nails or our tanning.
This is entirely acceptable, obviously, because if we were all perfect all the time, none of us would ever truly stand out. That said, should a lady like to swiftly ameliorate her errors, and return to her flawless, shining glory, then she should definitely, probably consider these simple, hasty solutions.
1. Just say you leave the nail bar and you smudge your polish…
What, is it too hard to get money out of your wallet, and then put that money in the parking meter, and then get your keys out of your bag, and then unlock the car, and then put your seatbelt on without the full use of your nails? WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF MORON? I’m being facetious obviously: it’s impossible to do Real Life with wet polish, unless you have an assistant/three hours to sit completely still and not pick up anything, do anything or wee.
The fix: This is best fixed immediately, while the polish still isn’t dry. Gently press the smudge with your thumb, to gently massage the polish back into position. Don’t worry if it looks worse for a second. Now apply a coat of thick, shiny topcoat over the nail, which will – using ancient wizardry – blend it all together, mask the smudge, and create the illusion of a flawless varnish.
2. Just say you have over styled your hair and it’s lank with product:
I told you that styling crème would weigh it down, but did you listen? I told you you should’ve just bitten the bullet and washed it last night, but did you listen? I told you that applying too much frizz serum/Moroccan oil near the scalp would lead to this, but did you listen? DID YOU? Oh. You have headphones in. My apologies. Carry on.
The fix: You have to reset the hair. It will save you tired arms and time and swear words, I assure you. Keep a water spray in the bathroom, and spray it lightly all over. Then add a plum-size amount of mousse and run it through (for “scaffolding.”) Now blow dry your hair quickly, with a large round brush for volume and freshness. Use some dry shampoo on the scalp once it’s completely dry for even more oomph. Or, for a quicker fix, just spray it water, and using a finetooth comb, comb in a deep side part and a low pony/bun. Slick as a sausage dog covered in olive oil.