Dear World: Please stop talking like an idiot.

By ROSIE WATERLAND

We’ve obvs come a long way since Shakespeare, and these days, a totes new cray phrase forces its way into the English language almost daily. Because WORDS. It is what it is, I guess, but if you lean in and really think about some of these sayings, I think you’ll find they often have a totes different meaning behind them than what you first thought.

So let’s take this to the next level. I’m going to be totes amazeballs by providing you with the secret translations behind 11 of today’s popular sayings. #YOLO

1. Totes Amazeballs/That be cray cray

Translation: I say whatever the Internet tells me to say, even though it often sounds totes ridic.

2. It is what it is

Translation: I do not know anything about the topic we are talking about so I have said a generic phrase in the hope it will get me through this conversation sounding like I actually do know something about what we’re taking about.

Similar to…

3. I like their earlier stuff

Translation: I have no idea what band you’re talking about but if I refer to their earlier stuff you will be scared that I actually know more than you so you won’t question me on it.

4. Because SOMETHING

Translation: I would really like to make a joke here but I can’t be bothered thinking up a good one because LAZY.

5. Just sayin’ (usually with a shrug)

Translation: I just said something really offensive/racist/bigoted/mean and I’m adding this on the end so I don’t cop any crap for it.

Similar to…

6. No offence but…

Translation: I’m about to say something really offensive/racist/bigoted/mean so I’m putting this at the beginning so I don’t cop any crap for it.

7. Lean In

Translation: I am a woman with a job and I would really like you to know that I have read Sheryl Sandberg’s book, Lean in, by saying Lean in whenever I get a chance to say Lean in. Lean in.

8. Superfood

Translation: I’m about to eat something ridiculous but calling it a Superfood makes it legitimate so I don’t look like a wanker. (Hint: You still look like a wanker.)

9. YOLO

Translation: I’m about to do something really stupid, but if I attribute it to a modern life philosophy it turns it into something really brave instead. EG “I’m drunk out of my mind but I will have that extra drink because YOLO!!!” or “I only have $200 in my bank account, but I will buy that dress for $175 because YOLO!!!”

10. Let’s take this to the next level

I would like this work/project/idea to be better but I don’t know what to do so I’m hoping you will come up with a way to make it happen and not notice that I did nothing.

11. #anything

Translation: Speaking in hashtags is easier than speaking or writing in full sentences. #can’tbebothered #words #thispostisover

What new words/sayings have you noticed recently? Which ones can you just not stand?

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