couples

11 of the worst wedding ceremonies. Ever.

We sure hope they’re not a sign of things to come in the marriage.

In November of this year I will marry the man of my dreams. But before my lips say those fateful words, ‘I do,’ I made the big mistake of reading some of the comments on this Reddit thread. And can I say it’s scaring. The. Life. Out. Of. Me.

These commenters have detailed the nastiest, most terribly awkward and bone chillingly bizarre wedding ceremonies. Ever.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

1. A comedy of errors.

“My uncle’s wedding, many years ago, was so awful that the whole thing was sort of beautiful. An hour after the wedding was supposed to start, neither the bride nor the groom was there. All of the guests were there though, among them my cousin – a young handsome athlete who’d injured his leg and was on crutches.

“The bridesmaids (the bride’s sisters) got into the liquor. They started relentlessly and drunkenly hitting on my cousin, who tried to get away from them but couldn’t escape them on his crutches.

"My uncle finally showed up, his car had broken down and he'd had to hitchhike, in a white tux, to his wedding. A guy on a blood run picked him up.

"The bride eventually showed up even later. She'd apparently stepped off the curb to leave and broken her heel off. She'd had to go back and try to fix it with glue. On her way back out the door the SECOND time, she'd stopped to give her hair an extra spray and accidentally sprayed it with spray and wipe instead, causing her to go shower and entirely redo her hair and makeup.

"When the bride and groom were FINALLY both there, they realised no one had brought the music.

"So everyone walked down the aisle in dead silence with drunken bridesmaids and half of the original guest list present. The wedding went better than the marriage."

2. The sham marriage.

"My dad's wedding to his second wife. She was a mail order bride from Ukraine. Just married him for her residency and an education. Once she did, she divorced him took half of his assets and their house. The whole thing was a sham, and everyone knew it from the get go. The ceremony was bad because everyone was apprehensive of the whole thing; It is hard to be joyous and happy for their union when you're trying to convince the groom not to go through with it."

3. They saw sparks.

"I attended a wedding last week where the bride said in her vows that she didn’t think the marriage would last – they fought too much but she thought she would like to try marriage. Later on when fireworks went off during their first dance, the fireworks base fell over and set the carpet on fire."

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4. Seven seconds of heaven.

"I was 15 at my 26-year-old cousin's Indian wedding. His fiancé, who was also Indian, got drunk at the reception and made out with the best man in a closet. Someone opened the door and pretty much everyone saw them walk out of the closet. It was jaw droopingly awkward."

5. Game of Thrones.

"My ex-wife's uncle. He was in his fifties, his bride was in her twenties and younger than his daughter of his first marriage. Shotgun ceremony, there was an undercurrent of ill-disguised fury in the wedding venue.

"It all got worse during the wedding party - the top table ate the ENTIRE buffet, leaving nothing for the other guests, so somebody was forced to take a run down to a local takeaway. About 20 minutes into the music, one set of in-laws trod on the foot of the other set of in-laws, refused to apologise, and both sides came together like a battle scene in Game of Thrones, all to the sound of Karma karma karma karma karma Chameleon.

"Blood was everywhere, the DJ pulled the plug, and everybody was thrown out of the community centre. It wasn't even 6pm, and guests were still arriving. The guy that was sent out for the takeaway food arrived shortly after with arms full of fish and chips and a half-empty car park. Best wedding ever."

6. The big reveal.

"Everything was going great at my aunt’s wedding until we got to the 'I do' part. When it was my aunt's turn, instead of saying 'I do,' she yelled, 'I can't do this,' and ran out.

"As she was running out her fiancé turned around and yelled 'What about the baby?!' That was how we found out my aunt was pregnant."

7. The proposal.

"A co-worker told me about a wedding they went to where the best man's toast turned into him proposing to his girlfriend. I would have killed the see the brides face."

8. Mother knows best.

"After two hours of waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle, the groom takes a phone call. It’s the bride and she’s changed her mind.

"The groom starts crying and his mum shouts 'shut up! I told you to marry Kathy but noooooo Kathy was too fat huh? You just had to chase a model! She couldn't even wipe her ass with those nails much less cook your dinner. Why would Jessica want you? You're broke and you're ugly. Kathy wouldn't have stood you up cause she ugly too. Serves you right.'

"Yes people Kathy was there but just like everyone else, she was afraid to confront the mum. She did give him a hug afterwards though."

9. Child bride.

"The worst wedding would be my uncles 2nd wedding. He had left his wife and baby daughter after having an affair with his nephew’s (my cousin’s) girlfriend.

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"That would be messy enough, except he was in his late 30s and the girlfriend was 15. They got married when she was 16.

"There were a lot of hurt feelings in the family and the wedding was incredibly awkward. They got divorced a year later and he's onto his 5th or 6th marriage now, and living in another state, which is just as well because he’s pretty much burned every bridge, he had."

10. Choose your best man wisely.

"I was at a wedding 2-years-ago where the happy couple-to-be were also best friends with another married couple. Naturally, this married couple was chosen to be the best man and maid of honour.

"Three weeks before the wedding the other couple ended dramatically due to cheating and by the time the wedding in question rolled around, this couple were in the midst of a nasty divorce.

"The whole wedding became centered on the best man and maid of honour and their dismal attempt at looking happy for the new couple. The best man even had his new girlfriend rock up at the reception."

 11. Sibling rivalry.

"My cousin’s wedding was pretty bad. She had been with her boyfriend for 6 years before he proposed. She had been planning her dream wedding for a YEAR and it was going to be perfect.

"And then, her little brother knocked up a girl and had decided to marry her. So a month before my cousin was supposed to have her perfect wedding, her parents decided to give the exact same wedding to her brother. The same church, same reception hall, same EVERYTHING.

"To make matters worse, at her wedding a month later, instead of having a live band like her brother did, she had a DJ and he was awful. He used CD's for some reason, and during the first dance with the bride and groom, the song skipped for a good 15 seconds of torture. She was understandably devastated and cried in the bathroom for the next 30 minutes while everyone waited around awkwardly, unsure of what to do."

What happened at the worst wedding you ever attended? 

While we are on wedding, perhaps if these readings and poems had been part of the ceremony, it would've improved them?

Want more? Try these:

“The day I had to decide which side of the divorce I was on."

“It took me having a year long affair to save my marriage.”

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