The 7 people you NEVER want to sit next to on a plane.

by MAMAMIA ROGUE

Plane travel is sort of like being in prison.

You’re stuck in an unpleasant place for a pre-determined period of time. You get reduced air quality, and funny tasting meals.

But, in some ways, it’s worse than prison. Because, in prison, if you do something really bad, you’ll get a room all to yourself. Winning!

But, on a plane? Nup. You’re stuck there with the rest of the crazies. And it’s not fun.

There’s something about high altitude that makes people go a little bit bananas. Here are our top seven plane crazies. Recognise anyone?

1. The person who reads the emergency sheet. Again. And again.

So many times that you manage to convince yourself that they’re planning on bringing the plane down, and just want to confirm that their victims will have no hope of saving themselves.

2. The person who becomes your new best friend.

You know the one. You start off with a cordial exchange: “So where are you getting off?” “Oh, the same place as me, that would make sense given that this is, you know, a plane and not a bus.” Until, before you know it, you’re discussing their fungal toenail infection, and all you’re thinking is:

3. The person who repeatedly complains about their inflight entertainment console not working. On a one hour Sydney to Melbourne flight.

Because they have obviously never made it through a whole hour of their lives without watching a seven-year-old episode of Kath & Kim.

4. The hot, but distracting person.

Whom you will marry, because you have learnt a lot about them on this plane ride. Namely, that they are hot, and sitting next to you, and their hand totally just brushed yours as they adjusted the volume of their headphones on your mutual armrest.

So, you sit around waiting for this to happen, so that you can be wed in the aisle and live happily ever after.

And next thing you know it’s the end of the flight and you haven’t completed any of that work that you thought you could get through while in the air. Damn you, hot distracting person!

5. The plane snob.

If you wanted silk sheets and an easily identifiable meat at dinner, you should have forked out the extra money and gone Business. This is Economy: you get what you get and you don’t get upset!

6. The person who eats like this:

Seriously? The flight attendant gave you an apple and a chewy muesli bar. HOW DID YOU MAKE SO MUCH MESS?

7. The person whose bladder must be the size of a particularly small pea

5 minutes in: “Can I get past?” “Yes.”

1 hour in: “Can I just squeeze past?” “Yes, of course.”

2 hours in: “Sorry, can I get past?” “Yes… are you feeling okay?”

3 hours in: “Sorry, just need to pop to the bathroom again?” “Do you need a nurse?”

4 hours in: “Sorry, me again!” “WHERE IS THIS EXCREMENT EVEN COMING FROM?”

5 hours in: “Can I get past?”

Who is the worst person to sit next to on a phone?