By Dori Hartley for YourTango.com.
Women crave affection and soulful friendships, not necessarily sex.
One of the most convenient words today is “partner.” When used in context to gay marriage, it really removes the awkwardness of having to use heterosexual terms, such as wife or husband.
And while wife and wife, and husband and husband are valid, those terms are based in a heterosexual world and may not have the same appeal to a gay couple. Or, maybe they do.
I used to think “partner” was inadequate, sort of a passing phase word that could be used simply because there was really no other way to describe one’s mate, married or not. “Partner” seemed like a cold word, suggesting business, and “partnership” felt downright office-y, like, “Hey, I made partner at my law firm.”
But now it seems the very best word ever.
No more having to explain and no more demoting your loved one to the ever-awful “significant other.” Significant other? Why not “considered participant in love arrangement”?
Apparently, we’ve really been searching for the perfect word because “significant other” is just way too much of a stretch. Significant other seems like it would come with an implanted microchip and an identification number tattooed on the lower belly: “Yes, that’s my significant other. Check her belly.”
I want a partner; a partner is the only thing that makes sense to me. And guess what? I don’t care if it’s a man or a woman.
Top Comments
I know there has been some criticism of this article, but I kind of understand where she is coming from, she wants primarily affection and romance and a bit of passion and I think she thinks that's only possible with women because so many men are sex obsessed.
Of course she could just have a female friendship but you can't go to bed with a female friend and cuddle and kiss her no matter how close a friend she is.
I kind of understand where she is coming from because sometimes with men it feels like it's all emotional less mechanical sex, which of course doesn't mean all men are like that, and it doesn't mean there mightn't be women who are like that, but because of the way women and men are socialised it seems more likely that it's possible to get her affection needs met from a woman.
I understand her in some ways, because whilst I am attracted to men and would like to have a partner who I could make love with, often with guys it's just all seems so mechanical, like very little affection but constant sex. Sometimes I crave physical affection but sometimes it feels with men this isn't possible that the rule book says only sex is allowed. Now I realise people will say that not all men are like this, and no doubt you are right, but for some of us women who have had relationship after relationship with men who are like this it can be tiring and frustrating that we don't have our needs met. Ironically though I did have a relationship with someone that was pretty much pure affection because he had sexual dysfunction, the ironic thing is to go from one relationship sexual craved guy no affection to hugely affectionate guy but little sex was not ideal, that's when you start to crave sex.
I think what is really needed for many of us is that healthy balance of affection and sex. And even though this article says it's not about men I think it is, because it's really exposing a bit of a sad world that we live in where men feel like affection and romance are for sissies and they can only express their affection through sex. Think about our movies and songs, there is very little real romance in them anymore. For instance there is an old song called "baby it's cold outside" where dean Martin sings something like "I thrill when you touch my hair". The song itself is a very sensual song and you have no doubt what the couple want to get up to, but nowadays it would be cut to the chase and it would have to be about her "sexy butt" or similar sexual part.
I think sensuality is what a lot of women want to actually get us in the mood but it seems to be considered sissy now for a man to do or want that.
You may think that this article is lesbian positive, but it really doesn't sound it, and you also insult men! I am 50 and bi/lesbian (ie primarily attracted to women) - I certainly would have sex in my relationship.