By MYVAWNY COSTELLOE
All the women I know like condoms. They buy a box at the supermarket; they keep them conveniently stashed in a bedside table. If they’re in bed with a guy, they politely ask him to wear a condom before anything, uh, gets put anywhere.
Know what I’m talking about?
Let me paint a picture for you.
Girl meets boy at party, girl and boy have a few drinks, boy comes home with girl, clothes come off, ‘entry’ is attempted..and then the girl is all “Hey, shouldn’t we use a condom?” Boy, somewhat reluctantly but not entirely surprised, puts one on. Entry: recommenced.
Stop and let that sink in:
THE WOMEN ASK. NOT ALWAYS. BUT NEARLY ALWAYS.
But why should women have to ask? Why is it so rarely THE GUY who says “let me just grab a condom?”
It’s as if it’s the guy’s job to try and get as far as possible without one, only stopping when the girl says no. As if men aren’t affected by the consequences of unprotected sex, just like women.
There’s a great scene in the first season of Girls where Adam admits to Hannah that “girls never ask me to use condoms.” Hannah, shocked – as she herself ALWAYS uses condoms – asks “What do you do?” to which Adam replies “I do what I’m told” (and starts making thrusting movements).
Writer Emily McCombs has written about this experience for XO Jane. In her piece, Emily talks about the fact that condoms haven’t always been present in her sexual encounters; in fact, they’ve often been completely absent. Emily used to blame herself for this, wondering why she couldn’t just “get it together” or what was wrong with her that she would repeatedly make the same mistake. Then she realised it wasn’t all her fault.
I can count on one hand the number of men I’ve been with who even volunteered to put on a condom. Most at least attempted to enter me without one, and while I usually managed to say “No,” or “We should get a condom,” they’d respond with “Shhhh,” or “Just for a minute,” or worse, wordlessly carry on like I’d never said anything.